Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Kook, The Crank, The Blind & Her Mugger
By Jacob Clifton | Season 1 | Episode 22 | Aired on 03.21.2011
I mean, Ezra should have told her that the woman she so recently stalked/thought about murdering for no reason -- which, retroactively that was a much better story than we thought at the time, since it was leading up to next season's presumable love triangle and wasn't just Aria being particularly retarded -- is on the faculty at his new job, but also: This is why he didn't. The life of a pedophile is one of such stresses, I suppose.
Spencer eventually has to pull out from cuddletime with Dharma Bums-reading Toby because Ian is too busy being involved in a Sting operation run by little girls to take his pregnant wife to the church. But since Spencer is a major part of this same thing... Whatever, I'm still kind of in the weeds. And apparently Toby's agreed to "keep Jenna busy" during this whole thing, which I have zero interest in really knowing what that means, but you think about how ruthless Spencer is -- her just total lack of ruth -- and it's like, maybe she meant fuck his sister. Maybe that's Spencer's plan: "Go fuck your sister so she doesn't wander blindly into the forest at an inopportune time and queer my extortion bid. You're a really good boyfriend."
Ezra and Aria, who cares, this is how the conversation ends: "Until today... You were the one guy who had never lied to me." Shit like that. At least she's consistent. You can actually see the pain in his eyes of going, "I'm dating you because you're a child but then like why do you constantly act like a child?" A maze from which he will never be free. Unless somehow counseling is eventually court-ordered.
Speaking of absolutely ridiculous people, I do believe that Lucas has spent the middle portion of this episode driving to Flagstaff Arizona, locating Caleb in whatever trailer park or roadside wigwam, and bringing him back to Rosewood, because quote "Hanna deserves to be happy." I think that's actually what has fucking happened there.
Melissa bitches out on Spencer about how she can't find Ian because he's too busy getting Stung, and Spencer shows her like the slightest compassion which is mindblowing because it's Spencer, and they realize Melissa left her phone at the church, so they turn around, but then I guess they run into Lucas and Caleb and have a big accident. For once, Hanna's not in the car. Well, spiritually she is in Caleb and Lucas's car, so I'm going to blame this accident on her, as usual.
I mean, they never show Lucas and Caleb in the other car, or mention this at all, but there's literally no other reason to have the paragraph preceding this one even exist. Show four characters in two cars in the same basic area of town, and then a collision, it really just makes sense those scenes are connected somehow, Truffaut. So it's either sloppy or it's super sloppy, but either way thanks a lot, Hanna. Caleb and Lucas looked like they were about ten seconds from making out and you ruined it.