Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 14 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Clean
By Jacob Clifton | Season 4 | Episode 22 | Aired on 04.28.2013
4th-Years: "We can swing it, if you don't stick to your deal with Kalinda that apparently you made with Kalinda."
Cary: "I see what you're saying, but clearly you have never seen this show if you think having Kalinda around is optional. Tell me, do you want to lose every case? Or do you want to win every case? Let the last four seasons of this show guide your answer."
4th-Years: "What if somebody else could do that?"
Cary: "Um, they can't. Also, I want Kalinda around all the time. But mostly, the first one. I gotta go deal with something from our actual job, bye."
JUDGE ABERNATHY PRESIDING
It is after dark, with a little under 24 hours to go until the race is called. Abernathy, the adorbz Vampire King of Mississippi, is the on-call election magistrate. As Diane is explaining the situation -- using her favorite word and mine, "provenance," no less than sixty-four times to describe the Zach votes -- the Kresteva representative is replaced by no less an august personage than Patti Nyholm and her hundred progeny.
Transcriptist Judy: (Yawns.)
Abernathy: (Bitches cutely at her for yawning.)
Patti: (Arrives covered in children and chock-full of bullshit, as usual.)
Abernathy: (Bitches cutely at her for existing.)
Patti's billion babies interrupting ever so softly, L/G questions Zach.
Zach: "I saw an unsealed box of votes being carried in and placed in the corner, and took a cell phone picture. See the ripped seal?"
Alicia: "Good job, Zach! You're the best thing I ever did. Now this bitch is about to climb right up your colon, okay, and I want you to just be honest and tell the truth, no matter how horrible she is, or how she somehow knows exactly which buttons to push to piss you off."
Patti: "So, Zach Florrick, what did your mommy just say to you?"
Zach: "She whispered to just be honest. And so I shall."
Patti: "Do you usually lie on the stand? In addition to getting arrested for obstruction of justice and pulled over by the cops?"
Alicia: "Objection! Patti Nyholm is being the worst."
Everybody: "Sustained."
The love in Alicia's eyes as Zach calmly and respectfully -- but firmly -- reroutes every attempt to pull him off track by reasserting the honest truth in a way that disarms whatever hidden needles she's put in her way of speaking, well, I can only imagine I was making the same face.
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