Episode Report Card Keckler: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Moroners
By Keckler | Season 2 | Episode 6 | Aired on 10.29.2002
May-Pumped helps relocate the town, but the sun is shining almost directly into the camera, so it conveniently glares him out of the shot. On Enterprise, Reed hands a gun over to Parma Hamlin and watches him fire at a computer-operated whiffle ball. I know the planet they're on bears a striking resemblance to Tatooine and that the kid whines like Luke Skywalker, but do they have to rip off Jedi parlour games as well? Parma Hamlin fails miserably and comments, "Shib'a lizards don't move that fast." Hoshi asks Reed if she can take over instructing the Dust Mites in moving target practice. Surprised, Reed lets her. "I can see your finger tensing on the trigger before you fire," Hoshi says, taking the gun away from Parma Hamlin. "It's throwing off your aim." She tosses back that she used to make the same mistake. And Continuity just wet his pants. Hoshi gives some instructions and demos while Reed looks on proudly. She nails the whiffle ball three times in a row before handing the gun over to Parma Hamlin and stepping back to Reed's side. Reed totally gives her an near-lascivious once-over, and all the Reeoshi hopefuls wet their pants.
Quantum sweats like a furrowing red-bottomed monkey in the middle of an identity crisis while he moves stuff. I wish he'd move some of this boredom away; it's obscuring my view of the episode. Trip reports on the status of the colony shift, and indicates that he's skeptical about their plan to save the Dust Bowl. "Do you think it's a mistake?" Quantum asks. Trip dinnit say that. Quantum gives a speech about never liking bullies -- okay, who in their right mind does like bullies? -- "not on Earth and not out here." Not in a boat, or in a van, he doesn't like bullies, Sam I am.
As May-Steroid stands around like so much Halloween eye candy, T'Pol explains the finer points of Klingon weapons in a cargo hold. "The bat'leth can decapitate its victim with one stroke, while the mek'leth is typically used to slash the throat or disembowel," T'Pol-san says. Wait, I don't know what "disemboweling" is -- can she demonstrate that on any old ensign standing by? T'Pol gives them the good news that she can't teach the gathered Dust Mites to defend themselves against the two weapons, because Vulcan martial arts -- Suus Mahna -- takes decades to perfect. However, she can teach them how to play dodgeball. T'Pol picks up a bat and calls May-I-Have-No-Neck to her side. "Since I have no bat'leth, this will have to suffice," she explains, and tells May-Fullback to take his best shot. He looks nervous. Mathra's nervous as well: "If he's there, who's driving?" "You won't hurt me," T'Pol-Fu assures him. "It's not you that I'm worried about," May-Mandatory-Drug-Test confesses. He swings a few times, and T'Pol easily evades each attack by stop-drop-and-rolling around on the floor. That will definitely be useful when the Dust Mites catch on fire in elementary school. "That was called the Navorkot [didn't he write Lolita?] -- it isn't difficult to learn," T'Pol instructs. Especially when your Captain's chasing you around his desk after work. The Dust Mites practice with May-Russian-Shot-Putter and T'Pol.