Episode Report Card Keckler: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Moroners
By Keckler | Season 2 | Episode 6 | Aired on 10.29.2002
Quantum helps T'Pol -- who thinks she's some sort of Senator Amidala in that white belted unitard -- out of the shuttle. "Does she realize it's after Labor Day?" Mathra wonders, then quickly adds, "Please don't attribute that to me!" Trip follows, and they make their way to The Colony Of Furrowed Ones. After explaining to their Welcome Wagon Of Tumbleweeds that they didn't have any luck hailing them, Quantum learns that the Dust Bowl Colony's comm system is down, and comments that must be hard on their business. The Dust Mites stare at them, so Quantum explains that they learned about their deuterium pumps from the Kreetassans of the Peed-Upon Trees, and they need some of it. One of the Dust Mites tells him that two of their pumps are down so they can't help them, and suggests they return later in the season. Quantum pleads that their supply will be exhausted in a few weeks. But the Dust Mite stands firm, saying there's nothing they can do. T'Pol wonders if he's sure of his statement: "You seem to have a large inventory -- our sensors showed over eighty thousand litres." The secondary Dust Mite -- who resembles a poor woman's Harry Hamlin -- throws a disgruntled look at the lead Dust Mite. "You scanned our tanks?!" Leader of the Dust Mites asks. Quantum apologizes -- just look how good he's getting at that! -- but explains that it was all they could do when their emails went unanswered, and wonders if they're really sure they can't spare a few hundred litres. "We're holding that for someone else," Leader of the Dust Mites informs him snottily, and repeats his suggestion they come back "at the end of the season." You know, it's a desert -- do they really have a season other than hot, dry, and dusty? Harry Shamlin wants to know if they have experience repairing something, and Trip thinks he can give it a look-see. Trip scampers back to the sh'pod for tools as Harry Shamlin says that if they get the thing repaired, they can "meet [their] quota." Quantum leaps on the opportunity for some give and take. Is it necessary for me to even mention that he still can't deliver his lines with something resembling fluidity? You'd think the desert heat would have melted that ice sculpture he left up his hind end.
In the sh'pod, Trip finds a rug rat playing around, and admonishes him for not asking first. He is kinda cute about it, though. Kill me, just kill me now! The kid's annoying, and he obviously got into his Halloween candy early because he sounds like he's enunciating through a jawful of Laffy Taffy. The kid gives his opinion of the sh'pod: "It's a little small and your controls are hard to reach." "Wull, mebbe yew need longer arms," Trip suggests. "You know, we have a machine for that," Mathra comments calmly. Seriously, though, how funny would it have been for the kid to say, "Nope, that's not the problem," and have his arms hyper-extend to reach the controls? They put a few furrows on his brow and call him an alien -- pshaw -- by rights, that would make Quantum an alien every week. Of course, that might explain a whole lot. The kid shrugs and asks enough admiring questions about the big ship in the sky to worm his Anakinny way into Trip's heart.
Quantum barters with the Leader of the Dust Mites for their deuterium. They seem to be at an impasse until some chick with frizzy brown hair, bulgy eyes, and a peaked nose comments that their medical supplies are running low. Since she looks slightly like Julianna Margulies, she has to take on the role of Nurse Hathaway, of course. They finally come to an agreement. "But only if you can repair our pumps," Leader of the Dust Mites orders. Quantum says Trip will do his durndest. "I expect you to leave orbit in two days -- if the pumps are working, you'll leave with the deuterium, if not, you'll leave without it," Leader of the Dust Mites commands. I think his virility is threatened by the depths of Quantum's Furrows -- he's got Furrow Envy. Quantum agrees to beat a hasty path to warp, just as soon as they've figured out how to make a lasting impact on their lives for which they will be eternally grateful.