Episode Report Card Gustave: A- | 0 USERS: N/A YOU GRADE IT Guess Who's Coming To Breakfast?
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 8 | Aired on January 14, 2002
Back in the MedicalHut, Kiefer is ransacking the place, looking for something that I guess will only be known to us in the next episode. I mean, what's he going to do? Save Palmer with sanitary gauze and antibacterial cream? He hears Palmer being introduced to the crowd and shifts his attention to the floor, which he can see through some slats in the wall. The time is 7:48:21 AM.
The time is 7:52:06 AM. Klockwise from the top left, Bride is still looking for a way out of The Stable Of Sensuality, Jalapeno is still looking like a bondage session gone wrong, and the Secret Service guys are still searching for Kiefer. Bride, concluding that there's no way out of the SOS, turns her attention to her stupid daughter. "I love you, Spawn!" says Bride. "You know that?" Spawn replies that she knows, but all this love talk is scaring her. "It's like you're saying all this because you know something bad is going to happen." Bride denies this, then goes off on a kreepy tangent about how the only thing she knows how to do is love her daughter and how powerful her love is. More tender caresses. The silhouette of an armed guard reveals itself through the window. When is Bride going to slap the shit out of Spawn for sneaking out and getting them both kidnapped? If this were a real mother and daughter and not a Playboy video, I think we'd be seeing some of that right about now.
Back at the Power Plant, Palmer takes the stage and the mad applause begins. Faux-tographer, who is in the audience taking faux-tos, excuses himself from Pho Mo's side, telling her he'll be right back. Palmer begins his speech with some clichés about the importance of energy while Kiefer watches from the MedicalHut and Gaines watches from the KieferKonsole. Gaines kommands Kiefer to exit the MedicalHut and join Faux-tographer. "After he shoots Palmer, he will hand you his weapon," says Gaines into Kiefer's earpiece. Again, the threat of Spawn and Bride's death is trotted out in case Kiefer tries to intervene. We get it. Palmer kontinues his speech, which is now leading up to the Theo explanation, or so I'd imagine from his references to "integrity" and "honesty." Lady MacPalmer gulps and gets ready for a shitstorm. Faux-tographer aims the rifle at Palmer. Intense Black Secret Service guy sees Kiefer exiting the MedicalHut and asks him to surrender peacefully. "Seven years ago…" says Palmer, obviously getting ready to throw his cards on the table. Before he can continue, though, Kiefer grabs IBSSG's gun. The Secret Service rush over, and the crowd panics. Kiefer is slammed to the ground, and his earpiece falls out. "Kiefer, did you screw me?" says Gaines, watching the whole thing on KTV. Kiefer pleads into the earpiece lying a few inches from his face that Gaines spare his wife and daughter. He tries to grab the earpiece, but Secret Service people restrain him. "Don't hurt my family!" begs Kiefer with the nicotine-stained, whisky-soaked, sweaty, sexy, distressed-velvet trademark Sutherland bedroom whisper that lured the Foreign Press Association's attention away from James Gandolfini's bald pate and pried from the white-knuckled palms of Martin Sheen a Best Actor in a TV Series (Drama) Golden Globe award this past Sunday. Gaines throws down his headset in disgust and calls for the heads of Bride and Spawn. As the TerrorMinions enter the SOS, Gaines gets a message from KuffedJalapeno, who -- as kommanded to by Nina and Soul Patch -- explains that the Secret Service has been looking for Kiefer all night, because he's been breaking protocol ever since Gaines had him switch keycards. "Damn it!" says Gaines. "Damn it"? Gaines, why don't you try an even lamer villainous expression, like "drat!"?