Episode Report Card Gustave: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Debriefing of Kiefer
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 14 | Aired on 03.04.2002
After a few longing glances back at the Kieferettes, Kiefer is escorted back inside CTU. On their way back, Alberta informs Kiefer that they'll be "doing more than just debriefing him." Again, I don't dare to comment. Why gild the lily? Kiefer is being placed under house arrest and questioned by the FBI. And as we learned from the 1992 film Basic Instinct, it is very important not to be wearing panties when questioned by the authorities. The ambulance drives off to the clinic. Kiefer gives it a pensive look. He begs Nina to haul ass over to the clinic and see that his wife and daughter are okay. Aw! Kiefer, don't worry about your family. It's already Episode 14. I'm sure that the Kieferettes aren't doing anything until midnight but giving each other pedicures, sipping cocoa, and curling up by a blazing fire with a copy of The Courage To Heal Workbook by Laura Davis. Everything will be fine and uneventful from here on in. Trust me. Kiefer is taken to a holding room complete with -- you guessed it -- a couple of Emeco Naval Chairs and a Modotti table. He asks a CTU extra for some water, and sits and waits in private for his debriefing.
Back at Nina's desk, Alberta VO5 walks by. Nina stops her and asks her permission to go home and "clean up." Alberta's eyes widen, and for a moment it looks like she's going to say, "Uh, yeah Miss Myers, you better take a shower, 'cause I can smell your Gynol II all the way from the KieferKube!" But instead she denies Nina a break and voices her suspicions that Nina's up to something. Nina 'fesses up that she's going over the clinic to look after the Kieferettes. "Now there's an irony for you," says Alberta VO5. "You looking after Kiefer's wife?" She lets Nina go, but only after she sees that Soul Patch doesn't need her help.
Back at the Palmer suite, which features a blond birch dining room set designed by Heywood Wakefield as knocked off by Crate and Barrel, various extras busy themselves with checking the projections of various other state primaries. Apparently, New York and Massachusetts are having state primaries too. In real life, they're held long before the California primaries, but in real life, a black presidential candidate wouldn't have a prayer of making it past New Hampshire in the first place, so let's just suspend some more disbelief, shall we? Palmer actually asks a new assistant if the "incident at the breakfast is hurting" his campaign. Say, did the Catholicism of Karol Wojtyla hurt his chances of becoming Pope John Paul II back in 1978? Um, Palmer? Are you smoking your son's crack? If an assassin shoots at you and you don't die, you will get elected even if they subsequently catch you in bed with a dead Girl Scout or a live Boy Scout. It's like the 4.0 you get when your college roommate commits suicide. It might as well be a law, for crying out loud. In fact, I'm surprised that some brilliant campaign mastermind hasn't faked the pre-election shooting of his candidate. Dude, Alan Keyes would be our president right now if someone felt he was worth a bullet back in 2000.