Episode Report Card Demian: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Death Takes A Tango Lesson
By Demian | Season 3 | Episode 16 | Aired on 03.14.2001
Two or three of them, actually. Cut to the former Chez Belthazor. A balding, beefy, black-suited enforcer type (I know, aren't they all?) who I'm calling "Moe" glides silently across the room, hovering a few inches above the carpet. I'm sure someone on the boards is going to claim that Charmed ripped this effect off from the "Hush" episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and I'm inclined to give that person a Kewpie doll for being correct. An Alice Ghostley type addresses Moe's companion, asking him if the two men "are new in town." Moe's partner in demonic crime tells Alice that they are. The partner is ugly in a way that nearly defies description. His eyes are practically on either side of his face, making him look like a fetus -- species unknown. His mouth is somewhat misshapen, and his gruesome head is topped off with a greasy tangle of dark brown curls. It's all so very...gross. Alice, who apparently owns the apartment building, tells the two she's down with the whole "alternative lifestyle" thing; she just doesn't like noise. Okay, they finally acknowledge the gay and lesbian population of San Francisco, and they do it with a line about "alternative lifestyles"? Shut up, Alice. And shut up, Hack Who Wrote This Episode. Christ. Alice blithers on about Cole, "the previous tenant," noting that while he was "strange" and "disappeared without a trace," she never had any complaints about noise, so she liked him. Moe opens up Cole's little demon cupboard, which has been stripped bare of daggers and pentagrams and goat's blood and whatnot. He tells FetusHead the "altar" is filled with the Colethazor's "demonic residue." Alice begins to wig out. FetusHead menaces, telling Alice that because she neglected to show them Cole's demon cupboard, they're inclined to believe there are other things about Cole she's keeping from them. FetusHead levitates above the carpet and glides over to Alice as she begins to hyperventilate with fear. She tries to splutter out a denial that she knows anything more about Cole, but FetusHead shuts her up. "Don't try to talk," he says. "Your brain stem will do the talking for you." Moe grabs her from behind and bites into the back of her skull, making some sucking noises as she screams. Moe then drops Alice's corpse face-first to the carpet. As he wipes blood and grey matter from his fanged mouth, FetusHead asks him if the Colethazor's still alive. Big Beef reveals that Alice didn't know. "But she knows someone who might," he adds. Don't ask me how they'd get that information from her goddamned brain stem rather than the parts of her brain that, oh, actually store memory, because I won't be able to give you an answer. FetusHead's misshapen mouth pulls out into a smile as we cut to the credits.
Fade up on the Golden Gate Bridge, because during the commercial we all forgot we were in San Francisco. Cross fade to Halliwell Manor. Inside, Piper fusses about her outfit, supposing something white would be more appropriate for "a Whitelighter reception" than the dark pink top she's currently wearing. The Dolt reassures her that what she has on is fine, and that "all [his] friends are going to love [her]." He has friends? Sorry, cheap shot. I couldn't resist. Piper gives the Dolt a sidelong glance and wonders why Phoebe and Prue can't come along for the ride. The Dolt tells her that orbing Piper up to Whitelighterland is fine because she is now his wife, but he can't act as some sort of "cosmic taxi for the whole family." Phoebe, who has entered the hallway from upstairs carrying the Book of Shadows, chuckles because the Dolt said "wife." Whatever, Phoebe. Piper and the Dolt prepare to leave. Phoebe stops them, wondering what she and Prue should do if the smear returns. The Dolt assures her that he and Piper will be "within calling distance." Phoebe instructs them to enjoy themselves and "bring [her] back a cloud." The Dolt wraps his arms around Piper, and the two orb out. Prue enters, fresh from her darkroom. She tells Phoebe she needs to call Detective Darryl to enlist his aid in finding Ruth. The photos Prue just developed for some reason do not include an image of the smear. Dorian Gregory wasn't in the credits, so don't expect him to drop in at any point in the next fifty minutes. Prue asks Phoebe if she found anything in the BoS. Phoebe notes she hasn't as the doorbell rings. As she strides over to answer the door, she complains to Prue that she "didn't have much to go on," implying that they might still find an entry on ghostly greyish-black smears once they have more information.