Episode Report Card Sara M: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Chainsaws Don't Kill People; People Kill People
By Sara M | Season 8 | Episode 19 | Aired on 04.14.2004
The car pulls up to a gas station. The girls run off in search of a bathroom, because women always have to go to the bathroom. The boys tell the crazy old female attendant what happened. She had already kind of guessed when she saw the bloody hole through their back windshield, but thanks them for keeping her informed. Eddie asks her to call the sheriff while Nerd and Make-out Boy stare at the cafeteria's display case, which is full of rotting pig carcasses.
Outside an outhouse, character development sort of happens as Mary "expertly" takes a good ten minutes to pick the outhouse door lock. When Pepper and Mary see the facilities they're expected to use, they abandon the operation. I guess that's supposed to be funny and/or add to the general atmosphere of rotting disgustingness that this movie is desperately trying to create, but it really doesn't make any sense. Surely if the girls had to use the bathroom so desperately that they would do that instead of helping seek the sheriff for the relatively urgent matter of Anne, they would have to go so badly that they would ignore the aesthetic and olfactory offenses in whatever bathroom they found. I know this because I once had to go that bad, and the only place available was in a subway station. In Paris. And I used that bathroom. I know this because I once had to go that bad when I was camping with some friends, and the only place available was an outhouse. With a giant spider in one corner and a wasp's nest under the toilet seat. And I used that bathroom too. If the need is great enough, it can overcome any obstacle.
Old lady hangs up on the sheriff and tells the crew to meet him at some old mill. The boys are like, "Uh, he can't come here?" The old lady says she doesn't know why he wants to meet there, and that he'll be there in two hours. She isn't very sympathetic when they point out that they will now be spending the next two hours driving around town with a dead body in their van. Apparently out of options, the boys exit and meet up with the girls. They climb into the van and drive off. The old lady watches from her window.
The kids drive on FRIGHTENING-ly unkempt dirt roads as Pepper complains that Anne is "starting to stink." Stupid Pepper. Anne died, like, an hour ago. There's no way she's decayed to the point of emitting fumes. Maybe, upon the point of death, her bowels loosened, but even then I doubt she'd smell worse than anyone else in the van. Eddie drives over a bump in the road, which jostles Anne. She slumps over. "Ew," say the kids.