Episode Report Card Sara M: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Chainsaws Don't Kill People; People Kill People
By Sara M | Season 8 | Episode 19 | Aired on 04.14.2004
Mary stands up and asks what's going on. This distracts Sheriff, and Nerd points the gun at him. Mary and Pepper beg him not to shoot him. Sheriff yells at him to do it. So Nerd does it. At least, he pulls the trigger. Nothing happens, though, since the gun isn't loaded. And now Sheriff is really pissed. He pulls out his real gun, orders Nerd out of the van, and takes the van's keys. Pepper and Mary lamely try to stop him.
So Andy is still sort of alive, although he's probably very uncomfortable. He attempts to lift himself off of the hook, but only manages to get it wedged even deeper in his back. Ew.
Sheriff and Nerd spend some quality time together in the patrol car. Nerd reveals that he and his friends were all on their way to a Skynyrd concert. Sheriff says he likes Skynyrd, too. And why wouldn't he? It makes total sense that a middle-aged man who lives in the Texas back country would be so knowledgeable of the rock music scene as to know and enjoy the music of a band that has yet to release an album. Nerd offers Sheriff his tickets, prompting Sheriff to smash him in the face with a bottle. Nerd spits a couple teeth out and whimpers. Sheriff laughs at him, then radios for backup to come to the mill. And just in case you thought that particular plot point was necessary or even relevant, I'd like to point out that the backup never actually shows up at the mill, nor is there any evidence that it ever existed in the first place.
Pepper and Mary attempt to hotwire the van and get the hell out of town. Mary's having trouble because stupid, useless Pepper can't hold the flashlight steady. Finally, Mary finds the two wires and fuses them together, telling Pepper that she learned how to do that in "juvie." Pepper's all impressed, so Mary elects not to share that the reason she went there was for TP-ing her high school gym.
Sheriff drives up to the Plantation House of Death, even though we were previously informed that it could only be accessed on foot. Sheriff throws Nerd out of the car and onto the ground. Then he viciously kicks him while telling him that he and his friends never should have "messed with that girl."
Mary starts the van and takes off. Pepper and Mary have two seconds to be psyched about their good fortune, until the wheels fall off the van and they are again rendered immobile. Also, that scene may have been the funniest thing I've ever seen on film.
Suddenly, a chainsaw cuts through the van. The girls huddle in the center of van, but even there they aren't safe: Leatherface cuts a hole in the roof and grabs Mary's head. Much like Mary did to Andy, Pepper abandons her friend in favor of saving herself. Her selfishness has consequences, however, because now Leatherface is coming after her. She lamely throws some metal barrels at him, then falls over and gets killed. As gratifying as that was to see, I still wish Mary had been the one to die. She's still alive and watching the action from inside the van. Leatherface turns around to look at her -- AND HE'S WEARING HER BOYFRIEND'S FACE! Now he kind of looks like a bloated(er) version of Real World Seattle's David.