Episode Report Card Sars: D | 5 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT Detention
By Sars | Season 1 | Episode 7 | Aired on 03.02.1998
Later. The gang lounges around, half-heartedly reading, and Joey confesses, "I slugged Grant Bodean." Dawson reacts with delight, "You slugged Grant Bodean?" and Abby gasps, "No! Is that why he left school early?" and Joey says, with a hint of pride, "Yeah," only to have Abby scoff, "Oh my God, that is moronic, even for you -- I mean, Grant Bodean is like the king of the school, and a total fox. Why did they put me in here with all these violent offenders?" Dawson asks what Abby did. Abby tells him, "Don't go there, Dawson," and they all press her, getting up from the table and approaching her, and Abby says, "Look, I don't want to blow your minds," and they all say they can handle it, and Abby asks seductively, "You ever been to the boys' locker room? You ever heard of a little drug called Ecstasy? You ever heard of an orgy?" As the rest look shocked, Abby smirks, "That's all I can tell you. Suffice it to say that some people in this school aren't afraid to experience a little erotic pleasure. I don't kiss and tell, that's all I can say. Sorry." The others make "yeah, right" faces.
Later still. Dawson looks at the clock and groans, "This is sooo Breakfast Club." North America joins me in a rousing chorus of "uh DUH, Dawson" and Jen doesn't get it, and Dawson and Joey have to explain it to her, and I would have transcribed the dialogue but I couldn't reach my computer from under the crushing weight of The Anvil Of The Week, contenting myself instead with struggling weakly and moaning, "What about you, Dawson? FUCK YOU!" Jen observes, "That movie stunk [sic]. Whatever happened to those actors?" Dawson fills her in: "Anthony Michael Hall got some kind of weird thyroid condition, Molly Ringwald lost her gawky ingenue appeal, and the rest are languishing somewhere in TV obscurity." Pacey objects, "No way! Emilio Estevez was in those duck movies, remember? God -- those were classic," and he starts laughing. Oh, an in joke. How, um, clever. Or perhaps the exact opposite of "clever." The others stare at Pacey.
Ten minutes later than that -- literally. At this time, I would like to point out to the writers that giving us the "flavor" of detention does not necessarily mean subjecting us to a one-hour episode that feels like it lasted eight hours. Jen remarks in passing that her best friend in New York knows someone who used to baby-sit for Ally Sheedy. Joey makes a snide remark, Abby seconds it, and Jen snaps, "Oh, well, we can't all be like you, Abby, having your little Ecstasy gang-bangs on the floor of the boys' locker room," and Abby goes to tattle on Jen, yelling, "Mrs. Tringle! Mrs. Triiiingle!" except that the closed captioning says "Mrs. Tingle." Gee, do you think Kevin Williamson hates Mrs. Tingle or something? Because I don't know if I get it. Oh, wait -- I do! I do get it! I! GET! IT! NOW GET THIS GODDAMN ANVIL OFF OF ME! Abby finds Mrs. Tingle, or Tringle, or whatever, in the AV room watching a soap opera, and when she finally gets Mrs. Tringle's, or Tingle's, or whatever's, attention, she asks very sweetly to go to the bathroom.