Episode Report Card Niki: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Acting Out
By Niki | Season 3 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.18.2001
Cut to Judy curled up in bed, looking thoughtful. She tosses and turns, until the doorbell distracts her. It's Sam Blue Balls, looking for a little relief. He notices her jammies and asks whether he woke her up. She assures him that she wasn't sleeping. He waves a bottle of wine at her and invites himself in. She watches him like a stranger, as he walks into her kitchen. He asks where the corkscrew is, and as he works at opening the wine, tells her he may bestow upon her the supreme honor of spending the night. "Okay," Judy says, with a strange, wired expression. "Unless you don't want me to," Sam says. "Whatever you want," Judy says, still looking buggy. "You don't seem delighted," Sam observes. I hate him. They banter back and forth about her lack of enthusiasm, until Sam asks where she keeps the wine glasses. Judy finally snaps. She can't believe that after all the time he's spent there, he doesn't remember something like that. Sam tries to laugh it off like he always does, and Judy asks him if he can be serious. "No, unfortunately not, not at this point in my life," he says, taking a slug of wine. "What if I need you to be?" Judy demands. He reminds her about their handy no-holds pact, but she's beyond that now. She asks whether he expects her just to wait until he's ready to commit. He likes the thought of Judy dangling on her string, so he says it would be nice. She says she needs to know there'll be a point to it -- that it means something. He acts offended and says of course it does. What he doesn't say is that it means he gets laid on a regular basis. After a pile of hemming and hawing, Sam says what he thinks she needs to hear: "Judy, uh, I'm pretty sure I love you." Say, that's beautiful. You should stitch that on a pillow for her. And for your wife, and Chesty, while you're at it. "But you're not sure?" she says, cutting through it. He tries the "things are really complicated for me right now" tack, and Judy sees through it, too. Tearing up, she says she was wrong about being able to keep things light, and that she wasn't being honest with herself. Looking pained, he asks what she wants him to do. He asks whether she wants him to go, and his groin cries out in protest. She says she doesn't, but that's exactly why he has to. He says he'll go, but his penis makes him wait a few seconds, just in case she relents and lets him hop back in her bed. She doesn't. Finally, the schmuck takes his cue and leaves. Judy just stands there, trying not to fall apart.
Cut to the kitchen of Manning Manor, where Lily and Zoe are making macaroni and cheese from scratch. Zoe asks whether they can add bacon. Did the Pork Board sponsor this or something? Grace wanders in and asks what they're making. "Macaroni and cheese," Zoe says, extra-slowly, because Grace is clearly an idiot. Grace asks whether anyone called. She snags some cheese and Zoe brats, "Get out!" Lily pretends she's blind and deaf. Grace leaves, and Jessie wanders in and asks what they're making. "Macaroni and cheese," Zoe snarks, as if personally insulted that people even have to ask. Somehow, Jessie avoids killing her and instead looks like she's about to ask something. "No one called," Zoe informs her. Lily chides Zoe as Jessie disappears through the dining room. Zoe whispers that it's very uncomfortable, and Lily agrees. The phone rings. Grace and Jessie race into the kitchen through different doorways, and then freeze when they see one another. They both act unconcerned as the phone continues ringing. Lily finally answers it and hands it off to Grace. I cross the fingers on both my hands and sit on them, but to no avail. Grace got the part. Creepitri asks her to tell Jessie that she landed the role of Phoebe instead. Nothing like the personal touch to soften the blow of humiliation. "Oh, okay," Jessie says. Seeing the tears in Jessie's eyes, Grace assures her that Phoebe is a really good part. Jessie tries to tough it out and says she knows. Lily says, "I'm just so proud of both of you!" In a quavering voice, Jessie says, "Grace was amazing. She really does deserve the lead." She then beats a hasty retreat. Lily congratulates Grace, who seems remarkably deflated. Grace heads up to her room, starting to smile faintly once she's on the stairs. She hears the door to the attic slam, and the smile fades.