Episode Report Card Niki: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Acting Out
By Niki | Season 3 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.18.2001
The exes split, leaving Lily, Judy, Rick, and Sam awkwardly staring at one another. "Well, that was a little uncomfortable," Lily understates with a cutesy smile. "I'm sorry, did you say something? I'm just regaining consciousness," Rick jokes. At least, I think he's joking. Sam looks at Judy, muttering, "It's like six degrees of Judy Brooks." She says she knows; she's "the linchpin." Lily watches the two of them with barely disguised distaste. With a tiny shake of her head, she turns to Rick and says, "We should..." He gets it and quickly agrees that they "should...." Lily forces herself to walk away calmly and slowly, although she really wants to run screaming. Rick bops Sam on the head with the rolled-up blueprints. Give him one for me, too. Only, swap the blueprints for a rubber hose first. Sam watches the departure, and when the coast is clear, mutters, "Lily really likes me. I can tell. Lotta love." Judy laughingly agrees. Hey Sam? Shut up. And while you're at it, grow up.
Sam and Judy wander into another part of the restaurant, where something catches Sam's eye. He beelines for the wall, asking, "What are these?" Judy explains they're "mock-ups for [her] sign," and asks if he likes any of them. For once, Sam and I agree, as he says, "Uh...they're awful." Judy tells him not to sugar-coat it. "Judy, this is serious. I mean, this is who you are," Sam says. Judy says, "I'm a little lost on this one ["on this one"?]. I found this art student, and he seemed really nice, and --" "Mmm, and cheap?" Sam says knowingly. He turns to survey the wall of crud again, while Judy adoringly surveys the back of his lying, cheating head. "Sam?" she asks. He turns to look at her, watching her watching him, and finally asks, "What?" Judy stares into his eyes, and a look of alarm flashes through hers. "I forget what I was going to say," she lies. "Yeah, I do too. Lately," he says, implying that she's the cause. He repeats, "Lately," just to be sure she got it. Unfortunately, she did, and she's staring at him with ooey-gooey eyes Duncan Hines would be proud of. She finally tears herself away, softly saying that she has to get to work. He says he does, too, and heads out through the maze of plastic and ladders. Judy tries to whistle nonchalantly, but she blows it by turning for one last look before he's gone.
Cut to a bright white spotlight glaring through darkness, inquisition-style. A disembodied voice hams some lines from Shakespeare, and the high-school boy who owns it steps forward on the stage, still reciting. He drops to one knee, wildly gesticulating with his arms and then heaves out the last few words before keeling over on his back. All he's missing are a couple of X's over his eyes and a tongue lolling out the side of his mouth. The camera pans from the stage to Mr. Dimitri, a.k.a. the guy who's never met an iron, who's lounging in a front-row seat with his leg propped up on a table. He seems to think he's a Broadway director. With a smug little smirk, he flatly thanks A.J., the kid on-stage, who springs up from the dead, and pleads to do another scene. Mr. Smugface Rumpledpants quickly insists that it won't be necessary; that A.J.'s "first instincts" were correct. A.J. stands up with a puzzled look on his face. It's okay, kid -- we don't get him either. Dimitri turns to his assistant and asks her who's next. She consults her clipboard and says, "Grace Manning." Creepy Dimitri springs from his seat like his pants are hot-wired and says, "I know her!" As Grace takes the stage, he asks whether she prepared anything. "No, you said we shouldn't," she reminds him, a little patronizingly. Creepitri challenges her in a knowing voice, "Oh, so you didn't memorize Rosalind's epilogue?" Grace smiles and says, "Well, I read it a few times. Is that a crime?" Creepitri mocks, "In some countries it is." You know what's sad? In some countries, it really is. Creepitri fetches a sheaf of papers from the table and delivers it to Grace, reciting the part of Silvius in Act III, Scene IV, as he hands Rosalind a letter: "'My errand is to you, fair youth. My gentle Phoebe did bid me give you this.'" Grace takes the papers from his hand as he adds, "Act four, scene three." He thinks he's going to trip her up by making her do something other than the epilogue. He backs away with both his hands up, saying, "'Pardon me, I am but a guiltless messenger.'" And an ass. Grace glances at the sheet and starts reciting Rosalind's response to Silvius. While she reads, Creepitri paces around below the stage, taking in the performance with a tiny smile. When Grace finishes, he abruptly thanks her and starts making an announcement to the auditorium while she takes a seat. His assistant, Alexa, interrupts him to say there's one more audition: "She signed up late." Three guesses. Alexa calls out Jessie's name, and the camera cuts to Grace, whose smile evaporates. Grace turns to watch Jessie walk down the aisle to the stage as Alexa reads that Jessie's auditioning for the part of Phoebe. Jessie keeps her eyes down but raises her hand in a half-wave as she passes Grace. Grace takes a deep breath and tries to swallow the rising tide of bile in her throat.
After the break, we join Lily and Rick, who are in his truck, eating take-out. Rick lifts half of his sandwich out of the wrapper, rambling about some skylight at Booklovers. Lily interrupts to inform him, "Yours looks better than mine." She stares expectantly from the sandwich to him, and he indulgently sets down the sandwich and hands it over. What a brat she is. Still, I can't help admiring her technique. Lily asks whether Rick thinks Sam and Judy are seeing each other again. Rick says he doesn't know. Lily takes a big bite of her new sandwich, and with her mouth full, mumbles that she thinks they are. Rick points out that he spends more time with them than she does, and he thinks he would notice something. Provided he can actually see past that hair, that is. Lily matter-of-factly states that he wouldn't see it. "Maybe I don't care, because it's none of my business," he says pointedly. Lily looks at him excitedly and asks, "So you think that they are?" Impatiently, he insists that he didn't say that. She stares at him until he cracks under the pressure and admits, "Okay, all right. There have been...possible indications." "What indications?" Lily girlfriends. Rick mentions "glances here and there," and Lily swats his arm with enthusiasm, squealing that she "knew it" and "that's what [she] thought." Rick says the looks don't necessarily mean anything. "Don't be stupid," she condescends. You know, she's been openly disrespecting Rick all season. I hope he calls her on it soon. Rick extracts his revenge by snatching back his sandwich and shoving hers in her hands. She looks at him questioningly, but he just gives her a disgruntled look and goes on chewing. Loudly.