Episode Report Card Jessica: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Spiderwebs
By Jessica | Season 6 | Episode 8 | Aired on 11.12.2002
Blandy hangs around the hallways of the arena and waits for Audrey to come out of the ladies' room. When she does, he accosts her, grabbing her elbow and telling her that they need to talk. Audrey yelps that he needs to leave her alone. "It was a mistake!" she whines. Blandy wants to know why she didn't tell him she had a boyfriend. Which is a pretty fair question, I suppose. What I'd like to know, though, is when and why it was decided that Audrey was the focal point of this entire show. Note to the writers: When the fans say they like a character, it means that we like them as they are, not that you ought to take them, destroy anything that made them charming and refreshing, and then turn them into just another angsty cog in the Dawson's Creek machine. "Just leave him out of this, all right?" Audrey asks, as she and Blandy trot into yet another area of the arena. Blandy informs her that Pacey is well and truly in the middle of this. "He has nothing to do with it," Audrey reiterates. "Okay, so the reason you came home with me the other night is because you're so overwhelmingly happy with him?" Blandy asks. Can I just point out that this is an agonizingly long scene featuring two basically secondary characters? I don't care about Blandy and Audrey's relationship! I'm not invested in him at all, and I hate her!
Blandy tells Audrey that he's not trying to "mess with [her] head" or anything. He just really likes her. She's the only reason he even came to the concert. Well, other than the magical presence of No Doubt, of course, because No Doubt has a new album out, called "Rock Steady," available wherever music is sold, and anyone who even likes music even a little bit should buy it because it cured his psoriasis and increased the size of his penis and allowed him to make thousands of dollars a week working from home. "Well, then I guess that was your first mistake," Audrey tells him. "I know things are complicated, but you've got to understand that I haven't felt this way toward someone in a long time," Blandy says. "No, it's been a long time since you had sex," Audrey says. "And you're incredibly grateful because you're incredibly messed up, which should have been obvious from the second Jen met you, because generally people who are into helping other people are ten thousand times more messed up than the people they're helping." I think that's a little unfair; most people are grateful to get laid -- even if it happens regularly -- and it doesn't mean they're totally screwed up. Blandy is all, whatever. He still likes her. "You have got to stop this!" Audrey yells at him, like he's taking a red-hot poker and jabbing it through her cornea or something. I wish Audrey would include some pot in her Downward Spiral Cocktail, because at least then she'd be more mellow. Audrey tells him that she's sure he's nice and he's trying to help her out and all, but what happened between them is just how the world works: "Sometimes guys just win the lottery. That's it. It didn't mean anything." So, now Audrey's equating getting a glimpse of her nether regions with winning millions of dollars? What happened to her rapidly depleting sense of self-worth?