Episode Report Card Jessica: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Spiderwebs
By Jessica | Season 6 | Episode 8 | Aired on 11.12.2002
Outside, Blandy yelps at Audrey that they didn't do anything wrong! She turns and glares at him. "No, we were great. And we'll probably win some kind of award for moral fortitude and the proper use of birth control," she snaps. They give those now? Audrey tries to walk away, but Blandy follows, whining that it's not like Jen is his girlfriend or something. "Yeah, well, neither am I," Audrey points out. Blandy asks if she plans to pretend like nothing ever happened. "Yes, and unless you want me to kill you, you will too," Audrey says, stomping away from him dramatically. Blandy looks sad and thoughtful, an expression I'm sure he used on General Hospital (or whatever soap he was on) every single day. As much as I loathe Audrey now, Busy Philipps did a nice job with that scene. She can't help the fact that Audrey sucks rocks now.
Cut to the arena where the commercial -- er, "concert" is being held. Joey and Oliver are in line to get inside. But Joey left the tickets in the pocket of her other coat. Retard. She shoots the ticket-taker dude an apologetic smile and tries to explain. "Fashion tragedy. Next," he says dismissively. "She's nothing without me," her It calls from my kitchen, where It's making crème brulée. This is so unrealistic. Joey, of all people, is far too anal to forget her tickets. I know that when I go anywhere requiring tickets, I check my purse or pocket or wherever I stashed them, like, seriously, twenty-five times. And I know that's neurotic, but so is Joey. Anyway, she can't believe what an idiot she is. Oliver suggests they drive back to Worthington and fetch the tickets, but Joey whines that it's just too far and they'd never get back in time. "Do you really want to just forget about the concert?" Oliver asks. Joey moans that of course she doesn't! She loves No Doubt. No Doubt cured cancer! No Doubt got women the vote! No Doubt caught the Night Stalker and stopped the Boston Strangler! No Doubt signed the Emancipation Proclamation, ending slavery forever! No Doubt discovered Lana Turner at the counter at Schraft's! No Doubt can run a five-minute mile! No Doubt makes a mean coq au vin! No Doubt brews its own wine and tills its own fields of wheat and barley! No Doubt invented the carousel and the Ferris wheel and the roller coaster! No Doubt discovered penicillin and Prozac and Percodan! No Doubt designed the American flag! No Doubt has a unicorn! No Doubt is the greatest band that ever was and if you don't buy their new CD today -- available at Target, Best Buy, and Tower Records -- then you and your entire family will die horrible, painful deaths and you'll be excommunicated and terrorists will spit on your bodies! Of course she doesn't want to miss the concert. Oliver's all, "Then follow me." Joey squeals some girlish protest, but Oliver holds up a manly hand. "Silence! Before I change my mind!" he orders her.
In their own line for admission, Natasha and Dawson trade saliva samples. I loathe public displays of affection. It's just gauche, especially when you're, you know, not fifteen years old. Blah blah blah, Dawson's tickets are for Saturday. This is Friday. They're not getting in. Too bad, so sad. Outside, Natasha tells Dawson she can probably sneak them backstage. Are you getting how I'm totally not spending any time or effort on Dawson's plot? I heard that his decreased screen time this season is per the Beek's own request. And I thank him for that, and am rewarding him by doing him the same service in the recap. I figure, the less I talk about him, the less likely I am to mention that his eyebrows look like deranged caterpillars wrestling for control of an enormous marble tombstone. It's just my way of giving back.