Episode Report Card Megyn: C- | 4 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Clayton Hears A Who
By Megyn | Season 4 | Episode 16 | Aired on 02.24.2001
Hill says the last three words spoken by Jesus were, "It is finished." The rest of us don't have time to plan what we say when we die. Having died a few times, I'd like to add that sometimes, a rousing rendition of "The Greatest Love of All" always gets them on their feet.
We see hands lifting a cinder block with mortar smeared on the bottom while Kirk's voice says, "I have to tell you, Cloutier, you really impress me!" Dylan is chained behind a cement brick wall and is begging Kirk to think about what he's doing. Kirk has thought about it completely. "When the hacks ask where you are, I'll say, 'I don't know, I guess the good Reverend descended into heaven.'" They all laugh. Except Dylan. It's not super funny to him. He starts yelling for help. Kirk reminds him that no one is around to hear him scream. Hoyt leans in through the small opening to add that he paid the hacks an extra two hundred bucks to take a hike. Kirk tells Dylan he should have taken the blowjob he offered him once not so long ago, when their love was young and pink. Reverend starts screaming for help again as Kirk places the last cinder block in. We switch to a shot from inside the wall, as it grows dark. Dylan is all squinty and scared. I pretend not to see the last block move as he presses his head against it, crying. To be fair, he is chained to the wall and, according to my cat, Vinnie, he couldn't have escaped anyway, even though the mortar hasn't dried. Outside the wall, the Aryan villagers push a large refrigerator against the new wall. Inside, Dylan starts saying the Lord's Prayer. He sinks to the ground, kind of scared and man-crying. He will fear no evil. Aw, bubbie, evil was what kept the fluffer from helping you out before when you were naked.
Showerhead being unscrewed. It's Clayton Hughes. He puts the showerhead in a sock. Have I mentioned that my nose is burning, and yet I have to continue blowing it? That it feels like I exfoliated with a jalapeño Brillo pad before rubbing it with a salty pumice stone? Clayton then starts making moaning sounds, which sound more like masturbation than pain, which brings a guard over. A man screaming brings no one but…make some moaning sounds and you've got yourself some protection! Smith looks through the take-out window and inquires as to what the matter is. Clayton, all nice, feigns being ill. In comes Smith all off-guard and shit as Clayton whacks him upside his head with his nun-"skull"-chuk. Smith falls to the floor as Joey Lawrence calls Clayton from the P.A. system because he wants his sweatshirt back. The only thing worse than a sweatshirt with the arms cut out is a flannel shirt with the arms cut out. If you find you have a predilection towards such luxuries, please, grow your mullet as God intended it and start watching monster-truck rallies. Seriously. Anyway, he removes the walkie-talkie and all weapons from Smith before prancing out into the hall. "Hey you stupid fucks, listen up!" he announces, "I hereby pronounce this unit the Republic of Huru." He says "Huru" over and over while doing the humpty dance. I have no idea if he means Huru as in the artist, Mark di Suvero, who created a sculpture by that name, which is aboriginal, so I assume it is the inspiration for the name of his new "republic." The other prisoners yell derogatory things while Clay claims he is to be referred to as "Your Excellency." We hear a comment about his being a "fucking nut-job," causing Clayton to turn and say, "For that insubordination, Alvarez, you shall remain inside your cell." Which -- and it pains me to admit it -- makes me snerk a smidge. Clayton claims that until everyone proves their loyalty to him, they shall stay inside their cells. Clayton goes to lock the door, and the gate to solitary, as he announces into the radio that he is the acting president of Huru and demands to see Leo Glynn. This ought to be good. In a very non-good sort of way. Clayton grins at his own cleverness before spying a shiny object in the corner, which is only a mica shaving in the concrete but amuses him nonetheless.