Episode Report Card Megyn: C- | 4 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Clayton Hears A Who
By Megyn | Season 4 | Episode 16 | Aired on 02.24.2001
We see Lieutenant Boreia of the U.S.S. Homewrecker as she answers her damn ringing phone with "Hello?" instead of "Leo Glynn's office?" Like, what the hell? She's not at home! Or…is she? We cut from that dreck to Clayton and Smith, Smith telling Clayton to stop this nonsense and Clayton threatening to screw up Smith's prostrate with some good lovin'. That actually shuts Smith right up. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Suddenly, we hear the calm voice of Leo through the little radio thingy. Clayton answers with "You shall refer to me as Gamba Kufu, or Your Excellency." We cut to Leo as he responds, "Clayton!" Clayton snaps the CB back to his mouth and snaps, "Gamba!" Cut back to Leo as he asks after Smith. Cut back to King dumb-fuck, who answers that it all depends on Leo. Leo: "Listen to me, Clayton." "Gamba!" Leo purses his entire face: "Clayton!" Clayton yells that until Leo refers to him by his new and very special name, he is cutting off communication. Then he turns and stomps down the hall. We see Leo turn to the SWAT team and tell them to get the keys to unlock the door. Because I guess someone forgot to bring the keys with them. Leo is going in. The SWAT team red-leader says, "I wouldn't recommend that, sir." Leo says it's not heroics, and can I GET an amen? It's merely "old-fashioned guilt." While they busy themselves trying to find the key to solitary confinement -- in a maximum-security prison -- we see Clayton prancing back and forth until he hears the hesitant "hey, Your Excellency?" coming from inside one cell. At this point I feel I must stop now and simply nutshell this scene because, quite frankly, I can't take it. Okay, so Clayton decides to let the guy help him 'cause he was in the riots and knows what a "strategy" is, then makes him Vice President of the hallway. Then, when Leo comes in after finding the key, the guy twirls back into his cell because he doesn't want to get in trouble.
Leo starts up with the "I've never lied to you, have I?" crap we've only seen in every movie made since the dawn of cheesy movies. So Gumby shakes his head and Leo tells him to think carefully. He feels Gumby has been alone too long. They argue over what his real name his…Gumby, or Clayton The Wonder Dipshit. All of a sudden, Clay starts "reminiscing" about childhood and how whenever he felt bad, like when he lost his father, Leo was there to hug him. Awwww. That makes me feel NOTHING! He asks Leo if he'll "hug [him] now." Leo, the retard who started the revolution against wise decisions, looks down and considers advancing forward to deliver the non-heartwarming embrace. Clayton puts down the keys and confirms that he'll give up if he gets a hug. Leo says, "C'mere, yooooouuuu!!!" No, no he doesn't. He says, "All right." He hugs the tube. Gumby reaches in his back pocket, pulls a shank, and starts to stab Leo while the dude from before comes out of his still-open cell, prevents the large favor Clayton tried to pay us all, and manages to get them separated. And what to my wondering eyes should appear but a shank in Clay's chest area, and a large bloody smear! The VP Dude's like, "I saved your fuckin' life, Glynn…you owe me! You OWE me!" Leo turns at this time to see the shank in Clay's heart. It has to be said that from behind, the SWAT guy leaning over Clay looks like Darth Vader. I swear, he has that black helmet thing going on. That's cool. I'm gonna have some more cough medicine. Leo gets down on the floor beside Gumby and mutters, "My God." Gumby shakes and bleeds while saying, "My…plan…worked…perfectly," between clenched teeth. Irony? No, I don't think that's irony. An attempt at irony? Sure. Success? No. Am I being too hard on the finale? Hmmm. Nope. Clayton chatters for Leo to hug him. Leo does. It doesn't touch me at all and, despite the callous way I recapped this scene, I am very sensitive to most scenes like this. I have teared up over Real World, you fools! What I'm saying is, this scene sucked. Ass. But, the upside is, ding dong, Gumby's gone! Leo cries. I turn to get a tissue for my nose and find Vinnie, in a fluffy orange ball on my clean laundry, and then I cry.