Episode Report Card Megyn: C- | 4 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Clayton Hears A Who
By Megyn | Season 4 | Episode 16 | Aired on 02.24.2001
Visiting room. Yet another couple is making out. Uh, correct me if I'm wacko but -- don't they NOT allow that in prison visiting rooms? One half of the couple is an Aryan. Not that it matters anyway. I'm just free-typing on meds here. Clink arrives to see his daughter, who looks like a little army brat grown into a fine young army brat with breasts. They greet each other. He looks hopeful and defensive. Clink: "So, what did you want to tell me?" "Geez dad, no 'hello,' no 'how's your mom'?" She tell him to stop looking so grim. She's getting married. He asks if it's to Max. She says yes. He thinks it's wonderful news. How relevant is this scene to the episode? Nil. But I'm supposed to do this so as to set the scene for later…where more nothing occurs, otherwise y'all will be wicked lost, yo. So, since he won't be there to walk her down the aisle, she wants her step-dad to do it. Clink gets mad. She wants his blessing. He tells her to "do whatever the fuck [she] want[s]." He leaves. Pointless scene? Yes, I know. But it's going to happen more, so cool your heels and buckle up. I'm driving this short bus.
Elevator shaft area of contrived murder location. LoPresti walks in with Morales and Clink, serving us his one line so he can pay his New York rent by telling them how the elevator has been "acting up" and oooh! The warden was stuck, but was then freed and everything! Morales says he used to work for some guy as a kid, fixing these suckers (just so happens). He does that unintentional whistle thing when he pronounces the "s" in "suckers." Of course, LoPresti proceeds to LEAVE THEM IN THE ROOM (would never happen). And SHUT the door! And of course, Clink has a goddamn tool box with sharp objects and such. Hell-oooo? Is anyone home at HBO who isn't high? Morales hoists himself down into the shaft after Clink turns the power off, that is. Clink asks if he was in the cafeteria when Supreme bought it for half off. Morales nonchalantly says he was, and talk about "bugging out." He asks Clink to hand him a wrench while Clink unveils his billboard with the blood-written words "I'm about to kill you. I'm going to kill you now. You are about to be dead, and it is I who will cause it!" All the while saying life in Oz is "precarious" and "the land mines in Nam were more visible than the ones in Oz." Morales concentrates on turning something above his head. Looks like he's going "righty-tighty" while Clink does and says everything save "I'm going to kill you now…wait…okay, now!" and Morales becomes MORE engrossed in his repair work. Clink says he's not used to the behavior of friends turning on each other and enemies teaming up. One more shot of Morales working. Clink: "I like to know who my friends are." Well, have a Twix, buddy, 'cause you don't have any. Then we see Clink stand and deliver a hard kick to Morales, directly in his face. That's GOTTA hurt! We see Clink grab a rubber mallet from the toolbox and miss hitting Morales, and Morales delivers a hard left hook, which knocks Colonel Clink down to the humble. Morales by this time has escaped from the shaft and kicked Clink's body over so he's fallen in. He's gonna try and let de elevator break him down. Oh no, let's go. Morales poses by the elevator "power" lever, activated by a (insert finger air quotes) "la-zor," and says, "Be all you can be, bro." He flips the switch, sending the elevator down onto Clink. Never mind that the shaft itself was so shallow even Governor Gremlin could've climbed out with ease. Or that there wouldn't BE a switch right there. That's right up there with Batman having shark repellent, labeled and ready, just when he needs to repel a shark. Well, okay, it's not the same, but I just thought it was so cool when Batman did that. Next scene is Clink's body being wheeled away.