Episode Report Card Demian: B+ | 7 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT The Hardy Boys Get Frisky Over A Pottery Wheel
By Demian | Season 2 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.27.2006
...the county hospital, where Shut Up Daddy sits at Jolly Green Dean's bedside, gazing bleakly at his comatose elder son. Spectral Dean emerges from the shadows in the background, and SHOULDERS! God, this has got to stop. Okay, I'll recap without actually looking at the screen. Spectral Dean finally unleashes all the pent-up resentment and anger he's been storing up with regard to his father and his father's seemingly misplaced priorities throughout his life, and it's a well-delivered little speech, but you'll have to forgive me if I'm thinking it's coming a few years too late, and you'll also have to forgive me for dismissing it in its entirety because Shut Up Daddy cannot hear Spectral Dean and Spectral Dean knows this, so what's the point? Thankfully, Spectral Dean hears something wicked this way coming, and so heads out into the hallway to investigate. He's nearly blown back into the room, by either a swiftly moving clot of spectral rags, the deafening array of horns that arrives on the soundtrack at this point to herald the spectral rags' entrance, or both. Your choice. Spectral Dean snaps his head around to glance at his neglectful waste of a father before whipping his eyes back down the hallway with a snarky, "I take it you didn't see that." Spectral Dean darts out of the frame to follow the rags, leaving Shut Up Daddy alone with his Jolly Green comatose self.
Spectral Dean charges through the nighttime hospital, sidling around oblivious medical staff and ducking down one hallway after another until the clot of rags zips out of a room behind his back. Sensing the thing, Spectral Dean spins around in time to catch it vanishing into yet another room. Spectral Dean gives chase, only to find a nurse choking herself into spasms on the tiled floor. Spectral Dean -- still, oh, not getting the fact that no one can hear him -- flings himself back out into the hallway to scream for help. Help which will not be arriving anytime soon, because DEAN IS A GHOST, AND NO ONE CAN HEAR GHOSTS, GODDAMNIT. The nurse manages to hack up a couple of pleas of her own as Spectral Dean races to her side. "I [wheeze, wheeze, and gasp] can't [shudder, gasp, and choke] BREATHE [gasp, wheeze, shudder, choke, wheeze, wheeze, shudder, choke, shudder, choke, wheeze, shudder, choke, and die]!" The camera shoots up into Dean's in-the-headlights expression as the METAL TEETH CHOMP! swallows us whole into the commercial break.
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