Episode Report Card Owen: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Chick Flick
By Owen | Season 2 | Episode 18 | Aired on 04.19.2000
Projection room. The projectionist repairs the broken filmstrip as he thanks the Halliwells effusively (natch) for warning him about the film and "saving [his] job." Piper's in the mood for the Lesson of the Day, so she notes Prue's "melting subject" line as proof that her sister "learned something from Finlay after all." Prue drives the LotD home: "You can love the work, but not the man." Piper makes this statement all about her and draws an allusion to Leo being the exception to that rule.
Audience area. Phoebe stands on the stage in front of the screen and talks to Billy's image in close-up. Don't ask me how the film is running again without the projectionist noticing this. Pheebs tells Billy: "I got my first glimpse of romance watching you on the big screen. Other girls deserve that same view. Thank you for restoring my faith in the male species." (Hey! Some guys deserve that view too, if you know what I mean. And didn't we already cover Phoebe's closed, cynical heart in the "Cupid" fiasco episode?) Then Billy tells Phoebe to "hold out" for a guy who's "three-dimensional." Owen suggests that she also hold out for a love interest with a full-season contract, but whatever. Phoebe nods. Billy puts his hand on the fourth wall. Phoebe puts her wee hand into his big on-screen mitt. Then she adds in a raspy baby voice, a la E.T., "I'll beee riiiigghht heeeere." Actually she doesn't, and it's a touching, subtle non-Spielberg moment. Phoebe and Billy look at each other and walk their separate ways. As Phoebe walks past the theater seats and Billy walks into the background of the forest set, they turn and glance at each other one last time. Aw.
Halliwell Manor. Leo and Piper are entwined on the sofa, macking. Piper deems their attempt at a normal date "a disaster." Leo says he had a great time, and reminds her that despite further efforts at being jus' folks, she's a witch and he's a White Lighter. They mack some more. Cue the Serpent in this Garden of Eden. Dan appears in the front doorway. Some fool left the door ajar. Whatever! He calls out, "Hello! Door's open!" and walks right into the manor like he owns the place. Damn, where's that hatchet-wielding psycho-killer when you need him? Dan peers into the parlor from the foyer and sees Leo and Piper necking. He tries to look all sheepish and hurt. Whatever! Go peddle it down the street, Crisco Hair. Piper sees him, and notes that he's carrying a box. Dan: "This is yours. You left things over at my place. I kept them around, part of me hoping that maybe . . . maybe that you'd come back. After last night I realized that I should move on, too." Piper peers into the box and finds the bound, doped-up body of Mrs. Bigglesworth inside! And I thought Jenny was the one who kidnapped the cat and took it with her to Saudi Arabia! Anyway, then Piper and Leo take turns kicking Dan's ass into the Central Time Zone. Oops, I must have dozed off during Greg Vaughan's sick-making, somnambulistic monologue. Actually, Piper just takes the box and stands there with him in Awkward Silence.