Episode Report Card M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Things Fall Apart
By M. Giant | Season 4 | Episode 23 | Aired on 05.22.2005
Within seconds Kiefer appears behind them, gun out, hollering, "Don't move!" Mandy pivots so that she's behind Soul Patch, standing next to a parked SUV. Kiefer approaches, saying it's over. "Take one more step and I'll kill him," Mandy threatens. Soul Patch tells Kiefer to do what he has to do. "Do you really have what it takes to let me kill him while you're looking him in the eye?" Mandy asks Kiefer, just like in that spoilery promo. Soul Patch and Kiefer make lingering eye contact. Sadly, Kiefer doesn't have the kind of telepathic communication he did with Grayadder, as demonstrated when the latter jerked his head aside to give Kiefer a clean shot. Of course, if Soul Patch tried that, it would give Kiefer a clean shot at a spot several inches above the top of Mandy's head, so it probably wouldn't help anyway. Kiefer says to Mandy, "Yes." Mandy processes that. "I believe you," she says. "So what's to stop me from shooting him?" Kiefer doesn't answer, which makes Mandy realize that Kiefer needs her alive. Curtis is now quietly approaching her from behind as she savors her advantage. I don't know how Mandy misses Kiefer's eyes cutting to the side, but she does, and the only warning anyone gets is when Kiefer says Soul Patch's name and the hostage dives to the ground. Curtis jumps out from behind the SUV Mandy's standing next to, pushes her gun arm up, and cold-cocks her dead in the face. She drops like a sack of sexy potatoes. I wish I could get more enjoyment out of the sight of a large man socking a tiny woman in the mush. Oh, wait. No, I don't.
Kiefer reports that Mandy's down, and calls for a medic to wake her up ASAP. He pulls Soul Patch to his feet and uncuffs him, asking if he's all right. Soul Patch's first question is whether Bitchelle knows he's alive. Kiefer says not yet, but he'll call CTU so Soul Patch can talk to her in private. His contact point is Buchanan, who's still in the conference room, asking if Kiefer's on his way back yet. "Oh, are my ten minutes up?" Kiefer says. "Fine, I'll just release Mandy and blow up Soul Patch for real and we'll be right there." Kiefer would be a lot more menacing if he were capable of sarcasm, don't you think? But he's not, so what he actually says is, "No, we just apprehended the hostile. She's unconscious but she's okay. Soul Patch is unharmed too." "My God," Buchanan breathes in shock, in such a way as to make us momentarily think he's evil. Buchanan says he'll tell the White House, but first Kiefer asks if Soul Patch can talk to Bitchelle. Buchanan says he sent Bitchelle home, but he'll find her and patch her through.
It's 5:54:53 in the CTU parking lot. Bitchelle is sitting behind the wheel of her Mercedes SUV, her hair slightly disarrayed and her emotional state considerably more so. Her cell phone rings. She takes her time answering it, but you know she does. It's Buchanan, and the first thing he says is that Soul Patch is alive. Bitchelle is confused. Buchanan says he'll let Soul Patch explain, and transfers the call. They have their joyous, emotional reunion over the phone, and I think you can probably figure out the mushy parts. Soul Patch says that Mandy put someone else in his clothes because she had to keep him alive until she got out. "Kiefer figured it out and he was able to save me." ["I'd just like to thank Carlos Bernard for his utterly flat rendering of that line. The constant, blatant Kiefer/Jack fluffing this season is really gross; cheers to Bernard for reading with the insincere apologizing-to-your-sibling-because-you've-been-ordered-to-by-Mom tone it deserves." -- Sars] He's on his way back to CTU and he'll see her in a few minutes. They exchange "I love you"s and hang up.