Episode Report Card M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Things Fall Apart
By M. Giant | Season 4 | Episode 23 | Aired on 05.22.2005
"No!" Bitchelle screams, lunging towards the CTU big screen. Buchanan puts a restraining hand on her shoulder. The explosion lights up Kiefer's viewing post as he and Curtis turn and run out of there. Lispy Skip and Potato Face exchange a horrified glance across the CTU floor. Kiefer and Curtis run towards the car, just as the fire reaches the gas tank and the car blows up again. "Bill, they're gone," Kiefer yells. "She blew herself up in the car. She took Soul Patch with her. They're gone." Sure they are. I'm sure that scene with Kiefer, Soul Patch, and Mandy that they've been flogging in the promos all week was supposed to have happened earlier in the episode, and they just deleted it before airtime or something. Whatever. It's 5:34:22, and now we have the whole commercial break to try and figure out how they failed to get killed.
5:38:45. Palmer ponders the Presidential Seal, Bitchelle has already entered the numb phase, and Kiefer stands in the rain watching Mandy's car burn. With all the vehicles this show has destroyed this season, they're probably selling more car insurance than Dennis Haysbert is. You know how he pops up during the commercials and tries to scare you into buying insurance by showing you chop shops and busy intersections and a pile of window glass where a car used to be? Meanwhile, the actual show demonstrates the effects of RPGs, car bombs, and deliberate head-on collisions. It's like 24 is trying to suggest a new slogan for one of the show's regular sponsors: "Allstate. Because shit gets blowed up."
The Veep joins Palmer and PMHC in the Undal Office, saying he's there for a conference call that Buchanan requested. PMHC hits the button that puts Buchanan on speaker. Buchanan announces that Mandy "has killed herself and one of our agents." Palmer and the Veep react in synchronized dismay and ask what's next. Buchanan says, "Mr. President, at this point, CTU no longer has any reasonable expectation of finding the missile before it reaches its target." Ooh, downer. Nice how after all of these screw-ups, the only person who's actually been blamed for one is the acting President of the United States. Talk about the buck stopping here. "What do we do?" the Veep asks of the room in general. Palmer says all they can do is focus on managing the aftermath. The Veep reminds everyone that they don't even know what the target is. Palmer knows that, but they can assume that it's a major city. Knowing ImhoTerror and the way he plans things, though, I think that's a dangerous assumption. For all they know, the missile could be headed for a pasture somewhere, designed to cause a cattle stampede that will block freeways and cause nationwide traffic jams and force Americans to burn more gas, resulting in the country's tapping into the strategic oil reserves, which one of ImhoTerror's undercover agents will set fire to, which will in turn draw a veil of black smoke over the country, causing crops to fail, and on and on, ad nauseam. But Palmer is probably correct when he says that wherever it hits, there will be nationwide panic. He says they need to "mobilize the Army and the National Guard in every state and draw up a declaration of martial law." Draw one up? I can't believe they don't have one of those lying around already, especially after DaD supposedly spent about eight hours meeting with some Army general about that very thing. The Veep agrees with Palmer's plan. PMHC appears to be the only one who remembers that Buchanan is still hanging on the other end of the line, and tells him to have all agencies prepare for the aftermath. "CTU's priority should be disaster management," he says. "Redeploy your people now." Buchanan acknowledges and hangs up at 5:40:22.