Episode Report Card Deborah: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Arcadia the Beautiful
By Deborah | Season 2 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.21.2004
Elsewhere, Lars is casually handing out candy bars, saying, "Vote for Lars…vote for Lars." That's quite a platform you've got there, Jocko. There are a couple of girls hanging around nearby looking googly-eyed. Judith comes along and he asks if she'd like a Lars Bar. Judith: "Oh, yeah!" Joan wants to know if he has a mission statement or anything. Judith can't conceal her glee at being inches from Lars and his Bars. Lars is all "mission statement?" Joan: "You know, like policies, or a philosophy?" Lars: "Look, this is student council, not…France." Well. He told you, Joan. Judith emits a phony laugh but knocks it off when she looks at Joan, who persists: "Yeah, but…you are planning on making things better, right?" Judith helps out, reminding Lars that he claimed he was going to replace the nasty snack machines by the gym. Lars: "Hey, you listened to my speech!" Judith: "Oh, you bet your buns, loverboy." Do any teenage girls actually talk like this? Do any women talk like this who aren't fifty, frowsy, and picking up old sailors at a bar near the pier? Joan points out that snack machines have little to do with real improvement. I'll bet Chewy'd beg to differ. Lars is indifferent: "Fine, don't vote for me." Lars takes off to spread the Lars Bars around to some other girls. Judith makes some pleading gestures to Joan, and Joan wearily gestures for Judith to chase after Lars.
As she stands there looking around, she notices Brian Beaumont talking to Lars's sycophants. Just then a cute hippie-ish kid with shoulder-length wavy blond hair and a peace sign T-shirt, carrying a guitar case, comes along. One viewer wrote to me to say he looks like the oldest Hanson brother, but frankly, I'm pleased to say I couldn't tell you anything about that one way or another. (This, by the way, is Steele Justiss.) Seeing the beating Brian's got coming, Joan mutters, "Oh, I can't watch. It's too horrible." Hippie kid says, "Multiply that by six billion and you'll know what I go through every day." Cool. God's really into teenage boys these days. I think this one might be the cutest one. Joan looks him over, and he gives her a shrug with various nuances in it. Then she's annoyed, gesturing to Lars's goons who are kicking sand at Brian's ninety-pound mission statement: "Can't you smite them or something? Look!" Hippie Boy God: "People don't need any help with the smiting." Joan: "Yeah, but…look! Those guys should have, like, claws, and little horns and pointy tails." Hippie Boy God: "I get it, Joan. Some people choose to be bullies, and others write mission statements." Lord, I hope those aren't my only two choices. Joan wonders if he wants her to support Brian. He just kind of glances downward and walks off with a Godwave. Joan: "A little more guidance, please?" Nothing. Joan: "No wonder people don't vote." She turns around and sees Brian picking up all his mission statements. Sighing, she walks over to help him, telling him, "If you really want to win, lose the argyle."
After the commercials, Joan's fallen asleep on the couch at home while reading Brian's mission statement. When the doorbell wakes her up, she shuffles over to the door in her jammies. Peering out the window, she sees that it's Adam. He comes in, wondering if he woke her. She lies and says he didn't. He says he just needed to talk about page 43 of Brian's mission statement. Joan says she drifted off after page 8. Adam explains that Brian has a proposal for a math/science program: "It pays for outside classes if you commit to working in a related field after graduation!" Joan wonders if Adam might not be kind of miserable teaching algebra. Adam: "No, no, no -- I'm talking about art, Jane! A program like this could pay for my classes! You know, Brian's sorta geeky, so -- so maybe he just didn't think about art…" Joan says to herself, barely audible: "He really is the one." Meaning Brian, not Adam. Well, I hope Adam's also "the one," but I think Joan's still undecided on that. Adam continues, "I mean, if something like this worked out, maybe I can make money from my art. You know, just quit the hotel! I -- I know I shouldn't get all stoked about something like this, but I -- I --" Joan suddenly stands up and hugs Adam tightly. He smiles and, when she pulls away, he asks what that was for. Joan puts her hands on each side of his head and says, "Because you're happy. I haven't seen you like this in a while." They kiss briefly. Frink's all, "'Take me now, Art Boy! I want my carpets cleaned!'" I'm all, "Shut up, if you know what's good for you." Then Adam says, "I should run. It's my night to shampoo the lobby." We kill ourselves laughing. Joan: "Yeah. Bummer." Adam: "Naw, it's okay. I'm gonna shampoo in concentric circles. Make op art you can walk on." He splits. Okay, I know I swoon about Adam a lot, but come on: look how far this kid has come. On top of being sweet and kind and sensitive and artistic and having beautiful hands, he's also hard-working, persistent, looks after his father, and has a good attitude.