Episode Report Card M. Giant: B | 0 USERS: N/A YOU GRADE IT Crushed Velvet
By M. Giant | Season 6 | Episode 1 | Aired on January 13, 2007
It's 6:28:37 when Kiefer, Curtis, and Buchanan arrive at the drop point, which appears to be a dry concrete drainage ditch somewhere. Buchanan gets a call from Fayed, a bald, swarthy guy whose jaw and cheekbones are so prominent he almost looks like a talking skull. Sitting in the shotgun seat of a red van parked out of sight nearby, Fayed and his non-specific accent instruct Buchanan to handcuff Kiefer to the metal grate covering the nearest pipe opening. Buchanan wants Assad's location first, but Fayed isn't in the mood to talk, and would rather watch Buchanan do what he says on a handheld device that's giving him a live video feed of the drop point. "I'm watching you," Fayed warns, and hangs up. Buchanan tells Kiefer what Fayed wants him to do. "Do it," Kiefer says calmly, and walks over to the grate so that Buchanan can follow instructions. At least the grate is at Kiefer's eye level, so Kiefer can stand up straight. Making him squat on the pavement would just be mean. Buchanan shackles Kiefer to the grate, but then doesn't seem to know how to say goodbye. Kiefer turns and looks him in the eye, giving him a little speech about the difference between dying for something and dying for nothing. He says that the only thing keeping him alive in China was his wish to avoid the latter: "Today I can die for something. My way, my choice. To be honest with you, it'll be a relief." Buchanan says he's sorry, and clasps Kiefer on the shoulder before walking off. No love from Curtis, I'm afraid. Despite his brave words, Kiefer looks sad, but then makes a resolved face and waits. It's 6:32:52.
At 6:36:52, a white suburban couple watch a report about a mosque in Culver City that's just been firebombed. It's local news and not Fox, as you can tell by the station's call letters in the corner and the non-celebratory tone of the reporter. Here's the thing about this couple: I heard that both Jennifer Aniston and Ben Stiller asked to be on 24 this season, but were turned down by the producer because they were "too recognizable" and would "take viewers out of the reality." Which of course means they are "more famous than Kiefer." But I like to imagine this couple being played by Stiller and Aniston anyway, if only because the way their story plays out might result in a more satisfying alternate ending to Along Came Polly. Except we get H!ITGs Raphaeal Sbarge and Megan Gallagher instead, so we have to use our imaginations. The couple debates as to whether they should send their son to school today, with the dad on the "it's not safe" side and mom on the "let's keep living our lives" side. The discussion is interrupted by the arrival of said son, Scott, who like almost every other teenager on this show is allergic to haircuts. Apparently, he stopped off across the street for a little help in math from their neighbor Ahmed. You suppose that Ahmed's ethnicity might come into play...?