Episode Report Card Omar G: A | 3 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Heeeeeeee's Nuts
By Omar G | Season 3 | Episode 8 | Aired on 11.18.2003
Commercials. I'm still reeling about the damn horse.
A foggy back road. A truck is driving down the road playing the only crappy alt-rock we'll hear in the episode. A bald man stands in the road, and the truck stops. Lex limps to the driver's side of the truck. "What's the trouble, mister?" the friendly driver asks. Lex slams the driver's head against the steering wheel. Apparently, his head was the trouble. Lex drags the driver's body out of the truck and dumps him down into the woods. Lex gets in the truck and is happy to see a rifle mounted on the gun rack. The truck drives on.
World's most colorful hospital. There's a lighted cabinet with glowing colored medicines inside as Lana lies in a bed. Clark is watching her. Papa Luthor comes and stands next to Clark, all friendly. He says he was never sure who was more out of touch with reality: Don Quixote, jousting with imaginary enemies, or "his loyal lackey" Sancho Panza, indulging his master's fantasies (hee) in spite of the danger to everyone else. Clark starts to walk away, pissing off Papa Luthor. Papa asks where he's going. Clark says he's going to find Lex. Clark warns Papa Luthor to be careful. He tells Papa Luthor that Lex is convinced his father's to blame for everything. Papa Luthor is touched by Clark's concern, but he says that Clark knows which of them is to blame. Clark starts to blab, but Papa Luthor stops him with a stern, barking "No, NO!" Papa Luthor barks that if Clark had gotten Lex the help he needed, Lana wouldn't be in the hospital fighting for her life. Hardcore, Clark. Answer that. Clark can't. Chloe interrupts and asks if Clark is all right. Papa Luthor tells Clark not to worry about him. He says his security people are trained to protect him. And to find his son. Papa suggests that Chloe and Clark go home before they do any more damage. Magnificent! Chloe tells Clark after Papa Luthor leaves that the drug analysis showed that the pills were just a sedative. No hallucinogens. Clark has a lot to think about. Lana's still betrampled. Clark tells Chloe he really screwed up. Chloe is still sticking to the drugging theory. She asks how the drugs could have gotten into Lex's system. Clark has an epiphany: the mansion. All the food and drinks there are brought to him. I guess Lex isn't much of a cook.
The mansion. Clark swings open the double doors dramatically. "How'd you do it?" Clark asks. He's talking to Hootie, who was sitting in a chair reading a magazine. "Do what?" he asks. Clark asks how he drugged Lex. Hootie says he doesn't appreciate "some farmboy" accusing him of a felony. Clark tackles Hootie to the ground and pulls his arm around the back. "Don't underestimate farmboys!" Clark says in his girliest, most effeminate voice. He says that baling hay can make you pretty strong. "Come on, man! You're gonna break my arm!" Hootie yells. Hootie's not having a good decade. Clark insists on some info. Hootie finally says it was the scotch. The scotch! I knew it! Well, after I watched the episode the first time, I knew it. But now? I know it! Ominous music plays as we get a shot of the drugged bar. Clark thinks he's Jack Bauer all of a sudden. "Tell me who you're working for!" he screams. Hootie screams back that he doesn't know. He just has a cell-phone number. Clark pulls the arm one more time and tells Hootie to call the number and tell whomever answers to meet Clark at the stables at noon with "a bag full of Benjamins," or Clark will go to the cops. "Bag full of Benjamins?" You're total street, Clark. Hootie gets all paternal and says Clark's crazy and that these people aren't going to pay him off. He says that they'll kill Clark. Clark leans in and softly says, "I'll take my chances," as he smiles. Clark's been watching too many movies.