Episode Report Card Omar G: A | 3 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Heeeeeeee's Nuts
By Omar G | Season 3 | Episode 8 | Aired on 11.18.2003
Something in the room gets cocked. I think it's in Lex's pants until the camera shows someone behind Lex pointing a gun. The guy has the Not Quite a Character-Actor Villain sneer going. Lex thinks fast, gulping and saying, not convincingly, that if he doesn't walk out of the room in five minutes, his "people" have orders to call the police and tell Papa Luthor that The Edge is alive and well. (Just ask Bono.) Lex says that maybe Papa Luthor will send someone to finish the job. Calm down. It's just a murder job. The New Edge stands up, still holding the mirror, and goes to Lex. He asks what Lex wants. Lex accuses Edge of conspiring with Papa Luthor to kill Lex's grandparents. Lex suddenly looks uncomfortable and rubs the back of his neck. He goes on to say that Edge and Papa Luthor split the insurance money. The New Edge asks what Lex wants, because he sounds delusional. Lex says he has evidence, but needs hard proof to bring down Papa Luthor. Lex shows a video camera (Lex-directed porn!) and says he wants Edge to tell the whole story (oh). Lex offers Edge a new life to go along with that face. Edge shows no emotion. I'm not sure he can yet.
Lair of Lex. Lex is watching a video on his laptop of Edge confessing: "I blow up the building, Lionel gets rid of his bastard father and his gin-soaked mother." I guess the Magnificent Bastard gene doesn't skip a generation. Edge says that the slum lord split the insurance payment with them. He says that Papa Luthor used his cut of the money for his first start-up. A tough-looking black man in a suit walks in just then. Lex pauses the video. The man apologizes for interrupting, but tells Lex that Papa Luthor keeps calling. He lied that Lex wasn't there, but wants to know what he should do. "You look worried, Darius. Relax," Lex says. Darius Rucker? He's the lead singer from Hootie and the Blowfish! I was wondering what happened to him. You know you're not supposed to call him "Hootie," right? Hootie, wearing a Secret Service ear thingee, exits.
Lex gets out of his chair and goes to his Super-Secret Bookcase and Shelves. He lifts a panel leading to a key-pad activated safe. As Lex is messing with that, a crazy string plays, and we pan up to see some crazy-ass ninja outside a ceiling window. For someone so concerned with privacy and secrets, Lex sure does make it easy for satellites to record his every move. Lex puts some documents and the videocamera into his safe. Crazy-Ass Ninja rappels into the room. I hate how sneaky ninjas are! The only thing sneakier than that was Tom Cruise in Mission: Impossible. Now that was sneaky. The ninja lands on the top book level, takes out a gun, and aims it at Lex. The red-dot aiming mechanism (no, I don't know the proper name for it) gets a bead on the shelf in front of Lex. Lex notices the dot. He yells for Hootie as he ducks and dodges. Bullets! Lex crawls. Hootie runs into the room and gets shot in the chest. He falls. Hootie, no! More shots fired as Lex continues scrambling across the floor. This ninja has terrible aim. Maybe he should have used the compound bow. Lex makes it out into the hallway. The ninja beats him out to the other end of the hall. Lex turns and runs. Wait, is that, another assassin? I can't tell if it's the same guy being clever with the hallways. Lex picks up a priceless artifact and chucks it at the ninja's crotch. Ninjas usually deal with throwing stars and swords, not little knick-knacks, so it catches the ninja off-guard and he falls. Lex runs the other way and dives the hell out of a stained-glass window. More shots are fired as Lex runs, runs, runs! Live (er, on tape) from Kansas (er, not really), it's Smallville!