Episode Report Card Keckler: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT A Sexperiment in Criticism
By Keckler | Season 3 | Episode 15 | Aired on 02.10.2004
Bridge. May-Heavy-Weather tells Quantum that the stars seem to be constantly changing positions and he can't figure out why. Wait, doesn't that mean Takhisis has come to Krynn? T'Pol thinks she's figured it out. It's because Trip's been Novice Nudging, isn't it? It's throwing everything out of whack -- even the heavens. Actually, the reason is technobabble. They go to take a closer look. See, why would you actually invite trouble by taking a closer look at a gravimetric disturbance that is so strong it's playing hide-and-seek with the stars? It's just beyond me.
Enterprise closes in on what looks like a pizza, bubbling with molten cheese. Yuuum, pizza. As Quantum stands up from his chair to get a better look at the viewscreen, he furrows his loss of appetite. The cheese continues to bubble. T'Pol determines that it's a convergence of spatial anomalies. Reed says it's very big. Hoshi picks up a faint signal coming from under the mozzarella, just past the oregano. It's a very small vessel with a single, humanoid, erratic bio-sign on it. Quantum decides to grapple it. I love the grappler -- it's IKEA-cool in its cheap simplicity. They grapple once and miss. Reed regrapples, and the cheese starts to swallow up the ship. Everything goes orange, and weird sparkle-points appear on the bridge. A few things spark -- which is amazing considering there's no Nudging going on -- and the sparks slowly drift upward. Okay, that was cool. Reed chokes out that they're losing systems all over, and May-Heavy-Weather adds that the helm isn't responding to his touch. It obviously needs Trip to give it a headache and T'Pol to fix it. T'Pol chokes out that there are rising levels of ammonium sulfide in the atmosphere. Quantum tells Trip that they can't get the car started, so he needs to push them backwards. Trip gets on it. There's no cheese seeping into Engineering at this point. The ship jerks backward, dragging the grappler and its catch with it. The orange cheese (cheddar, I think?) and the sparklers disappear from the Bridge. May-Heavy-Weather announces that he's got the helm back. "Get us outta here," Quantum furrows. "Love to," May-Heavy-Weather mutters. Hee -- nice delivery.
In a cargo bay, Quantum, Trip, and Reed prepare to open the grappled pod, which looks like a giant bullet. Phlox stands by, ready to Florence Nightingale whatever might be inside. They open the hatch, and dry ice pours forth. Great, they grappled a tray of crab claws. A plastic tube filled with fiber optics slides out, and there's a very pale humanoid inside.
Sickbay. As the very pale humanoid gasps on an examination table, Phlox explains to Quantum that the guy is dying. His skin is all cracked like a riverbed that hasn't seen water in eons, and I'm thinking a Lubriderm drip wouldn't be out of the question at this point. Phlox doesn't know if he can stop the cellular decay. Quantum stalks over to interrogate the dry remnant of a garden flower. The remnant is irate that they rescued him. He makes me itchy. Phlox points out that they are trying to save his life. "I didn't ask for your help!" Eczema gurgles. You know, they could have interrupted some special dying ritual and they're now desecrating the dead. Quantum questions him about the pod, but doesn't get very far. Quantum tells Eczema that he's dying, and after the skin condition yells, "Take me back to my ship," he goes into shock. Way to go, Furrowface.