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Lord, where to begin? Okay, Sexual Tension Pair One: T'Pol learns from Phlox (who is SUCH an instigator, by the way!) that Trip's been Nudging Neural Nodes with a female Uh-Oh named Amanda. Since Amanda's been complaining of headaches lately, T'Pol tells Trip to knock it off because he's only a novice and likely to paralyze the buck-toothed Uh-Oh. Trip thinks T'Pol is jealous, T'Pol thinks Trip is jealous -- especially after she tells him about Sim asking her to go with him -- and then they have sex. I'm not joking. Sexual Tension Pair Two: Reed is annoyed that Uh-Oh Hayes wants to train the ranking officers in hand-to-hand stuff. After making a fool of himself many times, Reed finally dances in front of a mirror and engages Hayes. They manage to beat each other's faces in right before the ship goes on tactical alert. And then they have sex. Okay, that time I was joking. Or, was I? Meanwhile, Quantum brings aboard some dying alien who needs a Lubriderm drip in the worst way. But then, suddenly, the alien gets stronger, attacks Phlox, runs through walls, and tries to fist the warp core. Reed reverses some polarity, which saves the day and kills the alien some more. By the last gasp of the alien's breath, Quantum is made aware that the alien and the rest of his dry, patchy skin ilk are somehow connected to the Xindi and human destruction. Yeah, I don't really get it either. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Eh. I don't know what to say. Dr. Mathra hated it, and my father-in-law sent me an email entitled "Enterprise without pity," and the content was, "I sure hope you'll blast last night's Enterprise episode as being awful. To have three plots going, all of them weak, is a throwback to their first year of poor episodes. Have no mercy." Well, the PhDs in the family cry foul, the boards cry fair, and I'm just crying with confusion. Either my standards have dropped so low that I can't recognize suckage any more, or I liked it. I'm still not really sure which it is, but then I've been pretty light-headed the last few days.
Sex? No sex? No sex? Sex? My side! Your side! Your side! My side! I really don't care about the ins and outs of Pon Farr anymore, mainly because even if there's canon proof anywhere that Vulcans can have sex outside of the seven-year cycle, that's not necessarily going to stop the writers from ignoring that canon, especially since T'Pol is quickly becoming the Rebellious Vulcan Teenager. Maybe it's the stomach virus talking, but I'm so completely exhausted by the argument that I don't think I even have an opinion any more. They had sex. Fine. It was actually treated with more maturity than I ever expected it to be.
Last week there were no previouslies, so they decided to make it up in spades over diamonds this week and show clips from the whole season.
Trip is massaging somebody's foot and commenting that Reed is a tough cashew to crack. Just by virtue of not seeing the foot's face when Trip asks, "That feel okay?" I knew immediately that this wasn't T'Pol. I also got righteously indignant that Trip was whoring around his Neural Node Nudges. That anything on this show should make me righteously indignant other than boring plots and canon violations really scares me. The foot twitches, and Trip looks back to say, "I thought you said you weren't ticklish." The camera pans the length of NoT'Pol's body, and we see a buxom brunette with two Chiclet-sized front teeth. "I didn't used to be," Not'pol says stoically. Eh -- something about this chick's delivery really bugged me from the start. Trip examines the well-manicured foot (emery boards, pumice stones, and French pedicures come standard for Uh-Ohs, apparently) and thinks he's doing it wrong. Not'pol suggests a different position. "Posture?" Trip corrects. "Sure." Trip helps Not'pol up and invites her to sit on the bed. Damn -- this one's got some upper arms! Good; it would be stupid for an Uh-Oh to be as twigged out as T'Pol. Although it bugs me that the "skinny girl" beats out the "normal-sized girl" in the end. Trip moves Not'pol's long brown hair to one side, and she thrusts her dinners forward and pouts her lips. She says that she gets the feeling Reed really hates all the Uh-Ohs. Trip makes excuses for his little buddy, touches her upper arms, and tells Not'pol to relax. Trip then begins to poke at her. "Feels greeeat," Not'pol drawls -- but not in any sort of Southern drawl that you'd expect someone who grew up a few kilometers away from Trip to have. It was more "I'm going to do my sexy, bored, languid voice in which I'm too sexy-lazy to really enunciate." Not'pol wishes the Neural Node Nudges could be part of their training. She and Trip discuss how oddly rigid Reed and Uh-Oh Hayes are. Match made in heaven, are they? "They're definitely cut from the same cloth," Not'pol says. Yeah, brocade.
Trip pushes some more, and as his hands are wrapped around her ribcage, his fingers look dangerously close to dinner time. "How's it feeling?" Trip asks again. "Still great," Not'pol smirks. "How would it feel if I had sex with you?" the Mad Dr. Mathra asks, disgustedly. Trip moves his hands back to Not'pol's arms and says, "There!" Not'pol scriggles around on the bed and says she feels very well rested. Trip is happy she's so satisfied. Not'pol isn't quite satisfied, which must be why she kisses him. When she pulls away, Trip says, "Well." Not'pol says, "Well." Algonquin Round table, these two. With difficulty, Not'pol pulls her big lips over her big teeth and smiles oddly. "That was...unexpected," Trip says. "Nothing wrong with unexpected," Not'pol says. Except when it gets Trip pregnant. "No, no," Trip agrees, "with a little warning." Not'pol looks at him out of half-closed eyes and says, "Consider that a little warning," and she drops her chin and looks up at him, "For time." Okay, I don't like her -- she's very predatory and a bit bitchy. It's too bad. She leans forward to Trip again in that "sensual" fake-out people only do on TV as she gets up from the bed and saunters out. Trip's all, "Damn, girl!" as his mouth hangs open, losing him major IQ points.
Breathe. Inhale though your core and into the back of your head, down your funny bone, and around your teeth, and distance your mind from the ridiculous theme song. Breathe. Relax your body without collapsing your body under the weight of the mas-crap-one cheese lyrics. While your mind observes the steady flow of breath, stick your leg out, and beat the hell out of Russell Watson. Breathe.
Quantum builds a log cabin out of Degra's Red Giant coordinates. As he gives the date, I realize that it's two days after Christmas -- interesting that there's no acknowledgement of it. Although maybe that's what Not'pol was doing -- giving Trip his present.
In his Ready Room, Quantum tells Reed that Uh-Oh Hayes will be putting senior officers and Reed's security team through training drills. Reed fusses. Quantum tells him to deal with it. Reed leaves.
Sickbay. It's feeding time at Phlox's Menagerie of Weird and Wonderful Things That Go Wibble. Like Cpt. Blackadder, not like the web lingo. T'Pol stops by, and Phlox thanks her for coming so quickly. The camera angle makes it look like we're inside one of the cages as Phlox reaches in with a worm. A pair of claws reach up to grab it with a delighted whistle. Phlox tells her that Amanda Cole (Not'pol) has been having repeat headaches for a week. He ran a bunch of tests, but couldn't figure it out until Not'pol told him that Trip had been Nudging her. T'Pol sort of snaps to attention and supposes that Phlox believes the Novice Nudging is the reason for the headaches. That's pretty much what Phlox is saying. Phlox says he spoke to Not'pol about using caution (of the Trojan variety?), but thinks T'Pol should speak to her as well. "Gladly," T'Pol says, holding a cage lid for him. "Is everything all right?" Phlox pushes. "Yes," T'Pol grits out, and starts to leave. Phlox asks if she could possibly work in a Nudge session with Not'pol and undo Trip's handiwork. T'Pol says nothing and leaves. Phlox smiles, satisfied. Man, Phlox is such an instigator! He's tried to get T'Pol and Quantum together at least twice and now he's definitely pushing for Trip and T'Pol, just as he has on other occasions. I think he just wants the entire ship became one big orgy. Then he could observe human sexuality more fully. And join in when the mood struck, of course. "Now Ensign Roskikoff -- you must try this, I just learned it. Cmdr. Reed -- where on earth do you think you're going with that? Oh, well, all right. Just this once, because it's all in the name of science!"
Reed and Hayes argue about the drill schedule. "I prefer to train in the evenings," Reed says. "Any reason?" Hayes asks. Yes, it's more romantic. Reed has a slight tantrum and gets his way.
Bridge. May-Heavy-Weather tells Quantum that the stars seem to be constantly changing positions and he can't figure out why. Wait, doesn't that mean Takhisis has come to Krynn? T'Pol thinks she's figured it out. It's because Trip's been Novice Nudging, isn't it? It's throwing everything out of whack -- even the heavens. Actually, the reason is technobabble. They go to take a closer look. See, why would you actually invite trouble by taking a closer look at a gravimetric disturbance that is so strong it's playing hide-and-seek with the stars? It's just beyond me.
Enterprise closes in on what looks like a pizza, bubbling with molten cheese. Yuuum, pizza. As Quantum stands up from his chair to get a better look at the viewscreen, he furrows his loss of appetite. The cheese continues to bubble. T'Pol determines that it's a convergence of spatial anomalies. Reed says it's very big. Hoshi picks up a faint signal coming from under the mozzarella, just past the oregano. It's a very small vessel with a single, humanoid, erratic bio-sign on it. Quantum decides to grapple it. I love the grappler -- it's IKEA-cool in its cheap simplicity. They grapple once and miss. Reed regrapples, and the cheese starts to swallow up the ship. Everything goes orange, and weird sparkle-points appear on the bridge. A few things spark -- which is amazing considering there's no Nudging going on -- and the sparks slowly drift upward. Okay, that was cool. Reed chokes out that they're losing systems all over, and May-Heavy-Weather adds that the helm isn't responding to his touch. It obviously needs Trip to give it a headache and T'Pol to fix it. T'Pol chokes out that there are rising levels of ammonium sulfide in the atmosphere. Quantum tells Trip that they can't get the car started, so he needs to push them backwards. Trip gets on it. There's no cheese seeping into Engineering at this point. The ship jerks backward, dragging the grappler and its catch with it. The orange cheese (cheddar, I think?) and the sparklers disappear from the Bridge. May-Heavy-Weather announces that he's got the helm back. "Get us outta here," Quantum furrows. "Love to," May-Heavy-Weather mutters. Hee -- nice delivery.
In a cargo bay, Quantum, Trip, and Reed prepare to open the grappled pod, which looks like a giant bullet. Phlox stands by, ready to Florence Nightingale whatever might be inside. They open the hatch, and dry ice pours forth. Great, they grappled a tray of crab claws. A plastic tube filled with fiber optics slides out, and there's a very pale humanoid inside.
Sickbay. As the very pale humanoid gasps on an examination table, Phlox explains to Quantum that the guy is dying. His skin is all cracked like a riverbed that hasn't seen water in eons, and I'm thinking a Lubriderm drip wouldn't be out of the question at this point. Phlox doesn't know if he can stop the cellular decay. Quantum stalks over to interrogate the dry remnant of a garden flower. The remnant is irate that they rescued him. He makes me itchy. Phlox points out that they are trying to save his life. "I didn't ask for your help!" Eczema gurgles. You know, they could have interrupted some special dying ritual and they're now desecrating the dead. Quantum questions him about the pod, but doesn't get very far. Quantum tells Eczema that he's dying, and after the skin condition yells, "Take me back to my ship," he goes into shock. Way to go, Furrowface.
Stella Cartography. May-Heavy-Weather -- who might very well be in this room for the first time ever -- tells Quantum that they're working on getting around the cheese. T'Pol tells Quantum that the cheese is growing and is exactly equidistant from five of the spheres. Quantum wonders if the cheese was created by the spheres. T'Pol thinks it's possible, and shows him a planet that was engulfed a long time ago. The planet is now lifeless; the alien could be the last survivor. T'Pol agrees. Quantum orders T'Pol to examine the pod with Trip.
Hayes demonstrates how to best deal with people who let their dogs stand on their car dashboards with their heads lolling out the open windows. He tells everyone to break up into sparring partners to practice what they just saw. The Uh-Ohs are uniformly togged out in brown shirts and those paint-spattered pants of theirs. By comparison, the senior officers look undisciplined and unmatched. T'Pol's wearing a tight (because she has no other size. In fact, all her clothes have either "T" for "tight," "VT" for "very tight," and "NQSTBTVR" for "not quite so tight but still very revealing") grey sleeveless catsuit. Okay, I have to tell you the honest-to-dog truth: this is the exact point where I suddenly got very dizzy and then started throwing up for the rest of the night. I'm not kidding. I'm not drawing parallels between what T'Pol's wearing and me having the urge to empty my stomach contents; I'm just saying it happened. Whatever conclusions you draw will be your own. Trip's in a tight red t-shirt and grey pants, May-Heavy-Weather's in a tight blue sleeveless v-necked top, Hoshi's in a midriff-bearing grey yoga bra and grey pants, and Malcolm's in a blue shirt and light blue pants. This episode of Enterprise brought to you by Athleta and Adidas.
Naturally, Trip pairs up with Not'pol, who rolls her shoulders and walks over to him with a strangely manly gait. They all spar with black leather gloves, protecting their partner's faces from their knuckles. They aren't boxing gloves -- more like leather fingerless mittens. Sort of like Oliver Twist meets a dominatrix. Once or twice, T'Pol looks over at Trip to see what he and Not'pol are doing. Not'pol wrenches Trip down to the floor, smiles, claps his chest, and helps him to his feet. T'Pol narrows her eyes as she continues to hold her own partner down by his hair. Trip gets up, and Not'pol smacks him in the ass. T'Pol lets her own partner up, still looking at Trip, and takes one in the face. Trip seems a bit distracted by T'Pol rolling at his feet, and Not'pol is distracted by Trip's distraction. Oh, this is all too Melrose Space for me. An Uh-Oh spars with May-Heavy-Weather in front of the class. Hayes shouts out comments like "Nice cross," and "Excellent," which gives Malcolm a sour milk face. May-Heavy-Weather flips his opponent onto the mat, and Malcolm smirks. The Uh-Oh takes May-Heavy-Weather down with what I consider unnecessary roughness, especially since May-Heavy-Weather has a bloodied lip when he gets up. "You were watching his hands when you should've been watching his eyes," Hayes directs. May-Heavy-Weather wipes his lip, grins at his opponent, and says, "Good match!" as they shake hands. Hayes announces a break, but Malcolm totally wigs out and embarrasses himself by announcing that everyone's had enough for one day. Hayes stares at him and finally says, "Okay, for time work on the forearm blocks and elbow strikes." Reed dismisses everyone and jerks a hand at Hayes. Hayes follows him, and Reed proceeds to chew him out for letting the May-Heavy-Weather spar go too far. "It's just a little blood, sir," Hayes argues. Reed tells him that if his men (ahem, and WOMEN) can't understand that, he'll put a stop to the drills. Uh, Limey? I think Quantum might have a thing or two to furrow about that. Hayes says he understands. "Jolly good," Reed snits, and walks away.
My California Culinary Adventures continue with a trip to Rainbow Grocery on Folsom. Berkeley Bowl they are not when it comes to produce, but they had a TON of bulk stuff. Bulk teas, bulk grains, rice, spices, herbs, and bulk supplements like ginkgo and St. John's Wort. In another aisle you can get a bulk amount of gelatin capsules and fill them yourself. Mudaba bought Royal Jelly to eat, and all I could think was, "Man, I hope she doesn't turn into a bee."
Anyway, Mudaba was pressing me to buy Drunken Spanish Goat Cheese, and I was likewise pressing her to buy Humboldt Fog (the most critically acclaimed cheese in North America, won lots of awards, made just north of SF, blah-blah-blah cheese-cakes). So, we're looking over the goat, cow, and sheep products and what do you think I saw? I'm going to blow your mind here: I saw a picture of TOS Khan pasted to a cheese description. I shit you not. The cheese is Campo Montalban -- are you seeing this now? -- and the write-up says, "This man would rather eat this cheese than be an Intergalactic Overlord or live on a fantasy island," and then it goes on to describe the cheese. Loved it. LOVED IT! What I loved the most is the fact that they didn't even use the 1982 picture, they used the genuine 1967 cheese. AH! Cheese! KHAN! I just got the deeper connection! Man, you just gotta love a store for that.
Trip and T'Pol work on analyzing the space bullet in the cargo bay. T'Pol brings up his Neural Node Nudging with Not'pol and the fact that Phlox asked her to speak with him. Trip doesn't understand why the Nudging would be the cause of headaches, and T'Pol tells him he's a novice and should stop touching people. "I performed it on you plenty of times," Trip says. "Under my supervision," T'Pol reminds him. Plus, she's got Vulcan physiology, stupid. Trip gets a mischievous smile on his face and invites T'Pol to supervise him and the Uh-Ho. T'Pol doesn't bite and just tells him to knock off the Nudging. And the noodging, sheesh! Trip comments that A-MAN-da won't be too happy about ending the sessions. "I'm sure she won't," T'Pol says. Trip asks her what she means. T'Pol explains that she has noticed them noticing each other. "Last week you were eating together in the Mess Hall, and in the training session yesterday, she touched your behind," Grandma T'Pol says primly. Trip chuckles over the use of "behind" (because he's twelve) and notes that T'Pol's been keeping a close eye on them. "You're hard to miss," T'Pol retorts. Trip starts to explain how much they have in common and that Not'pol comes from Florida. T'Pol tells him he doesn't have to justify his behavior, just use discretion. "It's not appropriate for a senior officer to fraternize with a subordinate," T'Pol finishes. Yeah, if she can't be with Quantum, then Trip can't be with the Uh-Ho. "She's not Starfleet, there's nothing inappropriate about it," Trip counters. Somehow, I will find the strength to beg to differ. Something beeps in order to save T'Pol from answering. She examines data and says they need to get the information to Quantum immediately. How convenient.
As Quantum stares out his WOTWW at all the cheese, T'Pol tells him the bullet pod's hull contains the exact combo of alloys found on the surface of the spheres. Quantum asks if she remembers how Digimon believed the spheres were created by divine beings that were supposedly reshaping the Expanse into a Paradise for their faithful. T'Pol thinks the zealots' beliefs might have some foundation in fact, and says it looks like Psoriasis was shot into the cheese with body monitors to let people back home know how he was doing. Quantum makes a canary-mine analogy.
Sickbay. Phlox tells Quantum that Psoriasis is literally disintegrating. "Yeah, well, his disintegration isn't as cool as that guy in X-Men," the Mad Dr. Mathra crabs. Regardless of the fact that Psoriasis is dying a painful death, Quantum orders Phlox to wake him up: "Until I get the answer I need, we're going to have to bend a few ethics." Can you really bend "a few" ethics? "I know I 'bend a few' mathematics every day -- especially as I grade this midterm," the Mad Dr. Mathra sneers. Maybe any time the captain gets into ethically muddy waters we can say he's going to Bend It Like Quantum. No? Okay.
Not'pol presents herself at T'Pol's front door with a supremely snotty look on her face. After T'Pol invites her in, Not'pol glances disdainfully around T'Pol's quarters and says she appreciates T'Pol "doing this." T'Pol's body is covered with more clothes than she's ever worn in all of her sessions with Trip. Although I have to say, I really like her shirt and kind of want one of my very own. Not'pol breathes, T'Pol Nudges. "Dr. Phlox did caution you against any further neuro-pressure from Commander Tucker?" T'Pol asks. "I got the lecture," Not'pol responds, with more curtness than is absolutely necessary. Once again we learn how Trip and Not'pol grew up near each other. Their high schools were rivals, and they even went to the same movie theatre. "Did you eat the same carrots?" the Mad Dr. Mathra asks. Not'pol was lucky not to lose any relatives in the attack, but she rubs it in how often Trip has talked to her about his sister's death. "You're quite fond of him," T'Pol comments. "Mm, what's not to like?" Not'pol says. "He's a gentleman, he's great to be around." "He gives me lots of lettuce," the Mad Dr. Mathra adds. Just as Not'pol finishes saying that Trip has very nice arms, she gasps. T'Pol apologizes for Nudging her so hard. Did you know that anvils don't tenderize no matter how long you marinate them?
Uh-Oh Hayes has everyone play target practice with some "feel the force, Luke" holographic balls. He calls Reed up first. My hopes that Reed's aim has improved are not met, and he embarrasses himself as he's easily beaten and subsequently showed up by Hayes. Reed smolders with impotent anger and unrequited hunger for a big, steaming plate of Corned Beef Slash.
At dinner, Reed shows a decided lack of appetite -- which proves he's in love, I guess -- as he pushes his food around his plate. Trip joins him and listens to him bitch about Hayes. To change the subject, Reed brings up Trip and his Uh-Ho. Trip says they're friends, and wonders if everyone on the ship is watching them. "You're pretty hard to miss," Reed smirks. "That's what T'Pol said," Trip responds with surprise. "Is it true she's giving Amanda neuro-pressure now? I heard it was damage control from your tender touch," Reed smirks. Again. Trip gets annoyed and brushes off the implications. Reed puts on a faux-interested expression and wonders why Trip was giving Not'pol Nudges in the first place. "What's it to you?" Trip demands. "Well, from what I'm told, it's a pretty intimate procedure. For just friends," Reed answers. Trip says he does it with T'Pol, and asks if Reed's implying that they're more than friends as well. Reed looks off over Trip's shoulder, forks up some mashed potatoes, and says, "That's the rumor." Trip tells him "for the last time" that there's nothing going on between any of them. "Right. You're all 'just friends,'" Reed parrots. Trip emphatically agrees. "Huh, I guess this Vulcan neuro-pressure isn't that intimate after all," Reed says, leading him down the garden path of slash. "Exactly," Trip says. "In that case," Reed says, grabbing at his side, "I've got a nasty little pain --" "Jest drop it," Trip orders him. Reed continues to smirk. He does that well.
Sickbay. Quantum interrogates Impetigo and withholds his pain medication until he gets answers. Impetigo says he was sent against his will and that he's from a trans-dimensional world. So, does that make him a tranny? And if Quantum chases his people, does that make Quantum a tranny chaser? Impetigo doesn't know why he was sent there. He says he was imprisoned for his transgressions and spent most of his adult life in a cell. "Do you think one of his transgressions was putting a leprosy hex on people, and it backfired?" the Mad Dr. Mathra asks. Impetigo says his guards offered him freedom if he offered his skin up to science, and that's all he remembers until he woke up in Sickbay. He insists that his people wouldn't have deserted him in the bullet pod, and demands to be taken back. Quantum tells him it's not possible to take him back. "If you don't, I'll die! Please!" Impetigo pleads, and puts his hand on Quantum's arm. Impetigo's hand starts to disappear and then reappear. "What's happening to me?! What's happening to me?!" Impetigo squalls.
Quantum continues building his log cabin in the sky by adding that May-Heavy-Weather did good with his adjustments, and they're on the road again to the Red Giant.
There's a "To Disturb Would Be Illogical" sign on T'Pol's door as she Nudges Trip. She's fairly demurely clad in a satiny grey robe and isn't even showing any cleavage. I just realized something -- Blalock has the largest wardrobe of anyone on this show! Two colors of satiny pajamas, this robe, her rainbow array of catsuits, her Away Mission belted overcoat, and that lavender shirt and grey pants she was wearing to Nudge Not'pol. As T'Pol does something to Trip's jaw line, he comments that she's not saying much. Does she ever really say much? When T'Pol still says nothing, Trip says, "Don't tell me you're not still upset about me and Amanda." "I'm not upset," T'Pol says, her voice quivering slightly. Trip doesn't believe her. T'Pol tells him he's mistaken. Trip doesn't get why a "few neuro-pressure sessions" between him and an Uh-Ho should be such "a big deal." T'Pol just sighs at him. "Unless you're a little jealous," Trip supposes. T'Pol tells him she doesn't experience jealousy, but Trip challenges this and tells her that her voice is tensing up: "It's a dead giveaway." "I didn't know you were an expert in vocal inflections," T'Pol says. "I don't need to be an expert to read you," Trip counters, and then orders her to admit that she's a little jealous. T'Pol states that Trip is implying she's attracted to him. Trip agrees that it goes with the territory. "I think you're mistaken about who's attracted to whom," T'Pol says, grammatically-correctly. Trip can't believe his ears, so T'Pol tells him that Sim told her he was attracted to her: "He said he had feelings for me." Trip gets all irritated: "He told you that?!" "Standing right here in this room," T'Pol says, looking toward a corner. Trip glares at the corner and demands to know what "the hell" Sim was doing in her room. "Your voice is tensing up," T'Pol tells him. "Oh, now you're the vocal expert?" Trip retorts. "I don't need to be an expert to read you," T'Pol parrots him. And it was here that I laughed thusly: "Ha, ha, ha!" The timing between Blalock and Trinneer was pretty damn good in this scene. Trip looks almost repulsed as he wonders if he's jealous of himself. "You're jealous?" T'Pol asks. "No!" Trip says, rolling his eyes. "Absolutely not." T'Pol looks away and breathes deeply. "Okay, maybe. A little," Trip admits. T'Pol looks him in the eye again. "Which would mean you're attracted to me," she says. Trip narrows his eyes. "It goes with the assumption," T'Pol re-parrots. "What just happened here?" Trip asks, his eyes still narrowed. "Did we -- are we --" T'Pol stops his mouth with a kiss. She then pulls away and disrobes. THAT'S why she wore a robe tonight -- easy access. Trip stares her up and down, and they make out some more.
Sickbay. Erysipelas asks what species Phlox and the others are. He seems to have a reaction when Phlox says that the humans are from Earth, but maybe that's just the leprosy. Erysipelas asks if he's going to die, and Phlox says he's doing everything he can. Erysipelas says he's very thankful. As Phlox goes to play with some readings, Impetigo jumps up and pulls his arm through Phlox's neck. HE DECAPITATED HIM! Except that his head's still on. Weird. Although, for an instant, there's this blue flash of light that really makes it look like Phlox's head may have been disengaged for a moment. Erysipelas looks with some surprise at his hand and starts running through walls. Because there's no good reason he should go through the corridors like any other escaped leprosy patient.
In the ship's gym, Reed Flashdances in front of the wall mirror like a maniac, maniac on the floor. Hayes walks in, sees that Reed's otherwise engaged, and starts to leave. "Are you leaving so soon?" Reed pants. Hayes says he didn't want to distract Reed from oh, oh, dancing with himself. And since there's nothing to lose and nothing to prove, Reed invites Hayes to join him as his partner, "if you're up for it." Hayes unzips himself. "Always," he promises. Okay, so he unzips his jacket, but still. It's a zipper and he unned it. They spar. Hayes compliments Reed on his pas-de-berets and round de jambes and then asks Reed to show him the combination. After the jazz hands, Hayes gets Reed on his back. Actually, more like Reed's stomach, but anyway. Hayes keeps talking dirty -- I mean, "talking down to" Reed until Reed clocks him in the jaw and says, "You wanna keep that left up." Hayes gets steely-eyed and fights with anger instead of respect. Reed keeps taunting him with the same compliments Hayes had been condescending out. Reed even gets Hayes on his stomach and hisses, "See, you were looking at my hands when you should've been looking at my eyes." Hayes gets up, and Reed twiddles his hands in the intergalactically recognized "come and get me" gesture. They fight some more. Reed finally confesses his deep-seated fears that Hayes is after his job. Hayes denies it. Reed spits out that Hayes just can't stand taking orders from him. Hayes knocks Reed to the mat and says, "After lunar survival training, I can handle just about anything."
Keckler: LUNAR survival training? It that supposed to be impressive or something? I mean, any potential hazard on the moon will just kill you -- right? It's not like, "I'm thirsty," or "A giant bug bit my head," or "Gee, I really thought that python was toilet paper," it's like, "Oh, my space-suit ripped and now I'm dead."
The Mad Dr. Mathra: Yeah, I'm readying my syllabus for my Lunar Survival Midterm: "Don't run out of air, don't break the globe-thing on your helmet, and don't eat yellow moon rocks. Class dismissed."
Hayes picks up his jacket and walks out. Reed screams, "Hayes!" and comes flying through the door at him. Aw, he misses him already. They fight some more in the corridor. A startled Red Stripe checks them out. "As you were," Reed tells him as he gets knocked down by a punch to the jaw. The Red Stripe squints and backs away. To tattle, presumably. More fighting. More sweat. More orders of Corned Beef Slash being run up on the Register of Latent Desire. Reed does some flippy thing that doesn't look any different from any of the other flippy things, but Hayes lies there, rolls his eyes, and asks, "What was that?" "It's a little Klingon move I picked up," Reed growls. Oh, right. The Klingon Krash Kourse. Damn, I hated that episode. Hayes staggers to his feet, and Reed primes his fists, but Quantum interrupts their forearm play with a tactical alert. They run away.
Some random Red Stripe is startled in her quarters as Shingles calmly walks through.
Bridge. T'Pol is in normal clothes as she reports that Shingles is disrupting systems as he proceeds, so it will be easy to track him. Man, what a dumbass -- if he'd just used the corridors like any other trans-dimensional alien, they wouldn't have such an easy time tracking him.
Reed, Hayes, and their team are in a corridor. Reed asks T'Pol to be more specific about Shingles's location on B-deck. With comedic timing, Shingles walks through walls right in front of them. They fire at him, to no avail. Reed comms that Shingles is heading toward the center of the ship and that their weapons are to worthless on him. Quantum comms Trip, who responds just as the camera speeds up on his face. I assume that means Shingles got to him. I suppose it's a compliment to Hayes's training that Trip managed to get his arms up in a defensive-attack move before he got knocked out cold.
Engineering. Reed checks on Trip until Hayes directs his attention to Shingles climbing up the warp engine. Fighting side by side, Hayes and Reed fire fruitlessly at Shingles. Shingles fists the warp core. Sparks fly. People fall down. Stuff fluctuates. Reed announces that they have to reverse polarity on the plasma manifolds. Heh, reversing polarity has become such a joke that I couldn't help but giggle at that. Anyway, Reed and Hayes work together as an Ambiguously Gay Duo and blast a screaming Shingles off the warp engine.
Mess Hall. "Mornin'," Trip greets T'Pol. "Commander," T'Pol says, and walks away with her drink. Trip orders up coffee, strong. Because he didn't get any sleep last night with all the bamp-chicka going on. Oh, and the alien attack on the warp core. Trip sits down with the monosyllabic Vulcan and comments that he's not sure who did more damage to the engine, Reed or Shingles. More small talk, until Trip says they should talk about last night. I vote that's the movie they show at Movie Night. "I've been briefed," T'Pol says. No, honey, last night you were de-briefed. Learn the lingo. Trip clarifies that he was talking about all the sex they had. T'Pol just stares at him, so Trip decides he'll jump right in and say very little. He asks her to go first. "I suppose I should thank you," T'Pol says, thoughtfully. Trip smiles and aw-shucks-little-ladys that there's no need for thanks. "For facilitating my exploration of human sexuality," T'Pol finishes. Trip isn't quite up to speed on that one. "It's one of the many aspects of your species that I've been meaning to explore since I left the High Command," T'Pol explains. Trip smiles nervously and says, "Sounds like you're saying that last night was some kind of...experiment." Yup, a sexperiment. "I wouldn't use that term," T'Pol says innocently. Damn, Blalock's expressions are hysterical in this episode. "But that's the general idea," Trip counters. T'Pol frowns slightly and inquires if he's getting emotional. "No, I'm not getting emotional, I just don't like being compared to a lab rat," Trip says, exasperated. "I'm sorry if I offended you," T'Pol states. Trip laughs mirthlessly and tells her to forget it, and asks her not to mention her sexperiment to anyone else. "In fact, we should probably forget it ever happened," Trip adds. T'Pol agrees. "Doesn't mean we can't keep doing the neuro-pressure, though," Trip says. T'Pol raises her eyebrows and says nothing. Trip mirrors her expression. T'Pol sips her tea. So, they'll be FTN -- Friends That Nudge.
Quantum's Ready Room. "Dr. Phlox says you have a detached retina," Quantum says, looking at Reed, who says nothing. "A bruised left kidney," Quantum directs at Hayes. He then bawls them out in a slightly slurred voice, especially when he says "everywhere we go." It was kinda weird to think he might be hitting the bottle in secret, but also kinda cool if it were true. "Settle it!" Quantum spits in Reed's face. Hee -- Joey and Gary Oldman with the tins of tuna fish. "That's an order!" Quantum spits some more. Reed and Hayes look at each other. "There's no problem, Captain," Reed says. "It's settled, sir!" Hayes agrees. Now kiss and say you're sorry or Daddy will spank you. Lord, I've got to stop snacking on Corned Beef Slash this late at night. Quantum asks how the drills are going. "Good, sir!" Hayes says. "Very good, sir," Reed seconds. Phlox comms Quantum that Shingles has regained consciousness. Quantum leaves. Hayes and Reed stand there for a moment. "Think we're dismissed?" Reed asks. Hee.
Sickbay. Phlox says there's nothing more he can do for Shingles, who seems to be having problems staying visible. Quantum tells Shingles he wasn't sent there against his will, and demands to know what his people were trying to do. Shingles just quietly fades in and out. "You tried to destroy my ship -- WHY?" Quantum demands, grabbing him by his partially invisible clothes. "When the Xindi destroy Earth, my people will prevail," Shingles says, and disappears forever. Quantum smacks the empty bed. Aw, don't be sad, he's gone to a better place. One where he can play with other flaky friends.
week: Phlox puts the crew in comas and goes crazy.