Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT ...And Wash Away The Rain
By Jacob Clifton | Season 1 | Episode 3 | Aired on 04.01.1999
Matala and D'Argo bounce; John goes into some kind of bizarre petit mal and has this totally icky vision of himself being molested by Matala from behind, with stupid noises, and her tongue going crazy. Disturbing, not sexy. He flips back to the bay, with Aeryn, and has kind of an ambivalent boner about it. Aeryn's like, "Dude?" and he doesn't know what just happened, but instead of saying anything about it -- which would be weird, yes -- he babbles. She archly suggests he "rest and revitalize," and it's totally adorable, but he's not having it because he's too freaked out, so he just sighs and agrees, mind kind of blown. I hope that gross shit happens a whole lot more, because it didn't bother me at all.
In Command, Rygel starts in almost immediately about how they deserve to get paid richly for saving the science kids, and Matala's like, "Yeah, that was awesome when you saved us from getting blown up. Thanks on that one." Rygel pushes and D'Argo gets wild on him about how they're his "friends" and stop conning them, and Rygel laughs. So D'Argo grabs him by the earbrow and twists (ignore it, things are already weirdly sexual as it is), explaining that Ilanics and Luxans are "genetic cousins," who've been "blood allies" for a thousand years. He begs the Ilanicss' pardon: "His manners match his size." Pilot notifies them all that the rendezvous is twelve hours away (incidentally, this is also the amount of time that it takes for the Luxan mating ritual), and D'Argo offers Matala a snack. She says no, but asks him to help her get something for Verell. So it's like a date, or something. Twelve hours to go!
Aeryn, Zhaan, and Crichton are chatting about the Ilanics. Aeryn is, of course, dubious: "Do you actually believe someone would send a cruiser with only two scientists all the way out here just for research?" Zhaan is, of course, self-obsessed and superior: "There are many species who seek..." And John, of course, checks out. There's another horrible sex sequence with Matala, and he almost hurls himself across the room when he gets back. So you're thinking, pheromones or mind control or something, right? Good. Zhaan's like, "You okay, Tiger?" But instead of asking about this or bringing it up, he pretends it isn't happening. And there's a certain Schwarzschild radius pertaining to horniness going on with both of our boys, which has an elegant symmetry of its own. You've got a Luxan and a human, okay. And they're on this ship, with no other Luxans or humans to be seen. And they're guys, and you know how guys are. So that's maddening. But then out of nowhere, somebody shows up who's a "genetic cousin" of the Luxans, and she's reasonably sexy (there's a substantial amount of jiggle in her wiggle, although John's still got her beat there), and the amount of war v. science that surrounds her, the black gravity of her, is at the least a sexual disappointment to D'Argo. Now, if only there were somebody sexy onboard who was a "genetic cousin" of humanity, we'd have ourselves a...oh.