Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT ...And Wash Away The Rain
By Jacob Clifton | Season 1 | Episode 3 | Aired on 04.01.1999
Aeryn: "I just don't trust them. The female especially." John stutters, because as usual, Aeryn's a step ahead of not only him, but the plot. "She's clearly leading D'Argo around by his mivonks, and I think she's having some sort of affect on you." John calls this "BS" and protests that she's "an entirely different species," which is to say they aren't even genetic cousins -- there's no Katralla kiss, no other side to the black hole -- and as he's about to say something that might be taken the wrong way by certain other ladies in the room, he has another one. This one is particularly yucky: Matala, hissing and moaning, holding John up against the ceiling, about to do something that...it seems painful, but she says he'll like it, and it looks like maybe she's going to eat him starting with his bellybutton and/or give him a blowjob. Any other day, I'd be like, "Let's see where this is headed," but I just cannot take Matala. "I'm gonna get some air," he wows, and walks off. Then the cutest thing ever, when Aeryn yells, "We have air in here!" and then turns to Zhaan: "What is the matter with him?" And Zhaan shrugs: "...He is Crichton." Ha! (But also, "Aww." And I'm not even going to go off on the whole "we have air in here"/"we have Aeryn here" thing that just happened there, because my goal is to write ten recaps in a week, but isn't that cool or sad or sweet?)
D'Argo totally interrupts Verell and then says he doesn't want to interrupt him, and Verell's like, "The only person I've been hanging out with for the last year is fucking Matala. Interrupt, please." D'Argo stammers cutely that some might think that situation would be like okay or whatever, and Verell chuckles. "You find her...desirable?" D'Argo immediately starts apologizing, and Verell points out that he's a billion years old, and they are "just colleagues." "If you want her, then by all means begin the Luxan Chase." (Tick tock, Ka D'Argo!) D'Argo dissembles and we won't know why for a very long time. (He's daring himself, like with the Orican, but Chiana's going to actually be the red slice cutting through his Schwarzschild radius -- the reason she counts is that she's not a Luxan or reasonable facsimile thereof, just like Lolaan was, and because both this episode and "Vitas Mortas" are retarded and don't count.) Verell's like, "Whatever but she's totally sniffing your chili LOL."