Episode Report Card Demian: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Big Chris To Watch Over Me
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 7 | Aired on 10.30.2004
Fuck. You.
The camera pans past various disgusted eyewitnesses to linger on the Red-Headed Step-Corpse's suspiciously intact remains before traveling the rest of the way over to Li'l Bulging Orphan Brody, who's giving a rather subdued statement to a uniformed city cop. We ease past that little scene to take in Phoebe and Raige, and Jesus Christ, Phoebe. Would it fucking kill you to wear a goddamned bra just once in your worthless life? The Fun Bags and their attached NIPPLES are, at the moment, pointing in two entirely different directions, and I'm finding it exceedingly difficult to concentrate on anything these women are saying. Not that it much matters, because it turns out Phoebe's still being a pain in the ass about Li'l Bulging Brody's questionable trustworthiness, and Raige is still not clocking Phoebe upside the head for it. Kerr Smith and His Bulge eventually sidle over for the postmortem, so to speak. "You okay?" Raige wonders. "No," he sighs dejectedly. "I wish I knew why this keeps happening." "You guys wanna walk?" he adds, nodding his head in the direction furthest away from the Red-Headed Step-Corpse's suspiciously intact remains. Seriously. That beer truck should have splattered his guts for two city blocks. Anyway, long story short, Kerr believes this string of highly unlikely rescues, followed immediately by even more unlikely death, is related to the whole Gathering Storm thing everyone's been whining about all season, though neither he nor the gals know about the Avatars as of yet. Phoebe instantly finds a flaw in his reasoning, because she's the smart one. If the Gathering Storm is only after power, then it can't be responsible for the four innocents' deaths, she claims, as "innocents don't have powers." Um, dumbass? Yes, they do. Often. Frequently. Used to be almost every week, the innocents on this show had powers. And I'll leave the hypertext linking at that, because I'm not about to draw up a list of the names and the dates and the places and the circumstances of each and every one of them just to prove how endlessly, pitifully, brutally stupid that statement of Phoebe's is, because you know what? It's not my fucking job. They should have someone on staff doing that, because they should have something called a Show Bible, but this show is awful and evil and hateful and makes me want to die, so they probably don't. Assmonkeys.
ANYWAY. Li'l Bulging Brody insists the Red-Headed Step-Corpse won't be the last in the current string of suspicious deaths, and instructs the gals to give him a call if they decide they want to help him out. Phoebe's snottily dismissive after Kerr Smith vanishes into a suddenly appearing black SUV. Raige is horny, because she was staring at His Bulge the entire scene. And as everyone knows, Raige is a size queen.