Episode Report Card Niki: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT 'Til The One Day When The Lady Met This Fellow...
By Niki | Season 2 | Episode 15 | Aired on 03.13.2001
Soliloquy Lily's waving her hands around and grousing, "Could the people I love be any more unhappy that I'm getting married?" Lily compares it to when she told people she was engaged to Jake, and they treated her like a queen. Oh my god. She's kvetching about the lack of enthusiasm shown by teenage kids and a woman who's terribly lonely and hasn't even been married once. Lily complains that she feels like she's spreading mad cow disease. Oh, shut up, Me-me McSelfish. And turn in your tiara when you leave. Your prom queen gig ended, oh, twenty-odd years ago.
Cut to Jake and Tiffany at the obstetrician's office. Tiffany's stretched out on the table, awaiting her ultrasound, while the doctor babbles pleasantly about everything Tiffany has to look forward to. Sure, doc. My friend just had a kid two weeks ago, so I know what Tiffany's got to "look forward to." I'll skip it for the blissfully unaware, but those of you who know what I'm talking about, cross your legs if you're with me. Then again, they're probably already crossed. Anyway, Jake looks like he's waiting for a root canal instead of the first glimpse of his new kid. The doctor spreads the gel over Tiffany' belly and says if they're lucky, they might be able to see the heartbeat. It's too soon to hear it. The little 'un pops up on the monitor, and Tiffany laughs excitedly, while Jake bolts upright in his chair as if receiving an electric prod to the ass. The doctor points to the heart and chirps, "Say hello to your bay-bee!" Tiffany laughs again, but Jake just gulps, wide-eyed. A heartbeat thuds in the background, and since we know it's not the babe's, I think it's the sound of the father-to-be registering his fate. He tunes out the doctor as the heartbeat swells, and he takes a deep, shuddering breath.
Cut to Manning Manor, where Jake has again let himself in the front door, calling for the girls. Rick meets him and says that Lily took them to the mall, but they should be back soon. Rick asks how he's doing, and Jake caustically answers, "Oh, I'm just great. How are you?" Rick pauses a moment then answers he's "just great...too." Jake shrugs off his coat and tells Rick not to let him get in his way. "I'll just wander around and look for things to steal," Jake jokes. He flops into a chair as Rick asks when the baby's due. Jake answers that he doesn't know; he's forgotten how to do the math. Rick takes a seat on the stairs and places his beer bottle (yes he's drinking, folks) on the floor as Jake says, "Brave new world. When's the wedding?" Rick smiles, "I haven't done the math," and they both laugh in a strange type of release. Jake says, "Well, she's a nice girl. Lily, I mean. [beat] So's Tiffany, of course." "Yeah, she is," Rick says earnestly. Jake says it's good that Rick's "making an honest woman" of Lily, and that "she likes being married." Rick digests this news with a half smile. Jake fires off, "You gonna have another kid?" and Rick literally recoils. He struggles to regain his composure for a second before saying that he doesn't know. He takes his beer and stands up. He asks whether Jake's ready for the midnight feedings and all the other crap, and Jake quite honestly answers that that stuff doesn't bother him. He starts to say what it is that bothers him, but catches himself. Rick watches him thoughtfully then rescues him, saying, "Well, that's good." He moves to the couch opposite Jake and settles on the arm. Jake notices the window to his left and comments that he always wanted to put a bay window there, but he was leery to undertake it for structural reasons. Rick is struck, agreeing that it would be a really good idea, and he informs Jake that the old houses were often built with structural allowances for those types of renovations. Uh-oh. I think this little male bonding thing is about to get them in some trouble. Jake suggests they find out that window's story, and devilishly wiggles his eyebrows.