Episode Report Card Niki: C | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT 'Til The One Day When The Lady Met This Fellow...
By Niki | Season 2 | Episode 15 | Aired on 03.13.2001
Cut to Rick's truck. Lily bounds up to the passenger side and hops in. I guess they're outside her place, because she gestures and says he could've come in. Rick says he thought they should meet in "neutral territory." They sit and look at each other until Lily finally blurts, "I hate this." She suggests they just "live in the car." But then you'll just fight over the radio and heat controls and glove compartment. Rick says that they're just scared and suffering from "buyer's remorse." "Do you want to return me?" Lily asks, uncertainty making her voice uncomfortably high. Rick lobs the question right back at her. Her face softens, but she doesn't say anything. After a beat, Rick says he "came to apologize, but [he] doesn't think [he's] going to do any better." Lily says, "I think we should make it a goal...to be as petty, annoying, unwelcoming, invading, horrible, and selfish as possible." Huh. I think we know who'll win this little challenge, hands down. Hell, she wins it when she's not even trying. But I guess she's being facetious, and Rick seems to enjoy the suggestion. By Lily's calculations, if they'd just done that all along, they'd be happy right now. Then she turns serious and says she's not going to lose Rick. He sighs with relief and asks, "You mean I can breathe?" They dive in for a big, clutchy smooch, and after a few seconds, Rick grabs Lily's hand, and peels away the glove to see if she's still wearing the ring. She is. They smile and devour one another's tonsils some more.
Fade into the living room. It's daytime, so I assume it's the next day. All the kids are gathered, and hey, they must've adopted a little Austrian girl, too. Oh no, it's just Grace. The spindly little braids threw me. Anyway, Grace asks whether they're really having a family meeting. Lily gravely assures her that it's true, all right. "Oooh," Grace mock shudders. Zoe wants to know what they're meeting about. Rick says they're "meeting about being a family." He says that if they're going to be a family -- "and [they] are!" -- then things "are gonna get a little messy." He takes a seat next to Lily. He tells them that they don't want them to think of the house as a house. They want them to think of it as a prison. Oh, they're clever. If my stepdad had ever told me that about my home, he'd have been flat on his ass, let me tell you. Okay, so the house is a prison. Check. That gets everyone's attention. "Excuse me?" Zoe says. Lily says that's right, and she and Rick are the wardens. What about Alice? I mean, I know she's just the housekeeper, but she's practically family and...oh, wait. Wrong show. Rick chimes in that the kids "didn't even do the crime that gotcha here. Your parents did. Well, sorry." Lily adds that while they can't leave, they're free to voice whatever complaint they want. Grace doesn't see the point, since it won't change anything. Lily says that it might change the way they feel. Jessie's quick to point out, "You can't tell people what to feel." Rick agrees, and says they're just telling them to express themselves. Eli's dubious: "You want us to say bad things about moving in together?" Lily: "Yes, if that's the way you feel." Zoe pipes up that she still wants bunk beds. Lily: "Jess?" Jessie says, "I really don't. And, I really don't want to share a room, either." Zoe casts a defensive look her way and quickly retorts, "Well, neither do I." Rick says that he doesn't, either. "Neither does he," Lily quips. Lily points out that Grace is heading to college in two years, so that they won't have to share a room forever. Grace looks like her wheels are turning. Jessie excitedly realizes that she'll be leaving the year after that, too. "So, we're really only talking about two or three years, and then we're all gone anyway," Grace says, warming to the idea. Zoe pipes up that she'll still be there. Grace continues, "On the other hand, two years can be a very long time." Eli says, "Yeah, well, these two minutes have been a very long time." The kids start talking about Lily and Rick as though they're not there anymore -- how they think that making them talk about all this stuff will make automatically make everyone feel better. After a few more comments, Lily starts to speak on her and Rick's behalf, but they cut her off, reminding her that she wanted to hear how they felt. "Well, I think family meetings are really stupid," Grace opines. Eli seconds it. Rick says, "Well, tough, because that's what we're doing. Even if we have to sit here and be silent." Zoe raises her hand a little and says, "I have trouble being silent." God, I love that kid. Lily slaps her hands on her knees and stands up, about to say something more. Grace cuts Lily off, tabling a motion to adjourn. Eli seconds it and Zoe and Jessie quickly carry it. They are outta there.