Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 6 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Your Wife, My Father
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 13 | Aired on 10.23.2012
Aria: Daisy Buchanan (a.k.a. Generic Flapper Costume), Not Sexy
Emily: Barbarella?, Sexy
Paige: Stage Magician With Giant Carnation?, Not Sexy
Hanna: Marilyn Monroe (White-Gown Marilyn, a.k.a. Best Marilyn), Sexy
Spencer & Toby: Gangster & Moll, Sexy
Jason DiLaurentis: James Dean (Red-Windbreaker Jimmy, a.k.a. Second-Best Jimmy), Sexy
Caleb: Phantom Of The Opera, Sexy
Other Caleb: Phantom Of The Opera, Sexy
Other Scary Person: Burlap-Bag Creepy Baby Face, Not Sexy
Jenna: Captain Hook, Sexy
Noel Kahn: Timothy the Mouse from Dumbo, Super Sexy
So wait, why is Noel Kahn here? To choke on a peanut. The one thing elephants fear most, defeating the one thing elephants love best.
Bad day for Noel Kahn. Good day for elephants.
Toby: "Oh my God, Noel Kahn!"
Spencer: "Holy shit, we must save him!"
Jenna: "Wait, what's going on? Oh. Yawn."
Three odd responses to Noel Kahn's demise, no? Anyway, it was just a big old joke, and a demon face pops out of Noel Kahn's chest and everybody is like, "Cool joke, bro." It's embarrassing for everybody. Noel Kahn, you don't need to beg for attention like this. You're wonderful just as you are, and you deserve respect. Now go take off that ridiculous getup, put on your slutty cat costume, and twerk it.
MARIN
Pastor Ted: "This pagan holiday is so much fun to celebrate! Thank you for initiating me into your dark world I've only heard about from Chick Tracts. When does the Dungeons & Dragons start? I want to play Harry Potter."
Ashley: "The only role-playing we're going to be doing involves the fact that you're dressed as a Doctor, Sexy, and I'm dressed as the sexiest Nurse, Sexy that ever nursed. Are you a Gynecologist, Sexy like Noel Kahn, Sexy was last year?"
Pastor Ted: "No, why would that be funny? Those won't even exist once Romney gets elected. I'm a Podiatrist, Sexy."
GHOST TRAIN!
Disembodied Voice: "Keep moving forward in the darkness on this train. You're perfectly safe. If you feel yourself getting molested or murdered by people all around you, that's how you know you're in Rosewood."
Aria: "Is this when the 'symbols and ceremonies' start?"
Adam Lambert: "No, it's when my cameo starts!"
He sings his gay vampire pirate song. It's very glamorous. There's a line about shaking off the straitjacket that seems like a pun on "straight" but maybe I'm just putting too much thought into it. The second song he sings is about how drugs induced in him an experience not unlike alien abduction in which cosmic information was downloaded into his brain, I think, so maybe not. He sings the entire song. It takes like a hour.