Episode Report Card Strega: B- | 1 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT You Know, For Kids
By Strega | Season 2 | Episode 4 | Aired on 04.06.2000
Aeryn raises her gun again, and Scorpius says, "Kill her!" He's now wearing a very loud shirt over his S&M-wear. I mean, seriously. Even in space, you can hear this shirt. Scorpius tries bribes again: "Then we'll have pizza. And margarita shooters." Scorpius pulls two bottles of liquor out from behind his back, and urges Crichton to shoot Aeryn. Crichton turns one gun toward Scorpius and says, "Nobody has margaritas with pizza." Point. Aeryn looks questioningly at the empty space Crichton is threatening. Scorpius holds his hands up and backs away, saying, "You're out of your mind, John." Crichton pulls up his second gun and says that he knows that, and then fires. Scorpius's head is knocked off, and then there are a dozen little spinning Scorpius-heads twirling around and laughing for a moment. Then they multiply, until the screen is full of laughing heads, and then they vanish. Aeryn asks, "Are you cracking up, little man?" Crichton, calm again, tries to tell her that he's okay, and asks her to listen. Aeryn snaps that she's tired of listening to him. Crichton fumes, "I just shot Scorpius!" Aeryn says, "When I'm old and fat --" and then she looks down and corrects herself, "When I'm old, there is one thing I'm going to look back on with enormous pride, and that is killing you." Crichton says that Scorpius wanted him to shoot Aeryn. I'm not sure what she's supposed to do with that information. Neither is she, so she shoots past Crichton's head, hitting the wall behind him. She smirks, and Crichton shoots a wall to the left in what I guess is an "Oh yeah, even I can hit the broadside of a barn" gesture. Then Aeryn shoots at him in earnest, and there's a lot of ducking and jumping and shooting and exploding for a minute or so. And then they're out of juice. The guns, I mean. From her hiding place, Aeryn asks, "Have you got any spare cartridges?" Crichton leaps out from his own corner and rushes toward her with a roar. They run toward each other shouting as we fade out.
And we fade up onto the sight of an unconscious Aeryn getting dragged down a corridor. Yeah, I don't buy it either, but what're you gonna do? Crichton has collected the entire crew, and tied them to the table, which is still piled high with crackers. He handcuffs Aeryn to one of the table legs and pours some water onto her face to wake her up. Then he wanders over to kick D'Argo in his wounded leg before saying, "Now that we're all here, and so happy, do you think we could all get along for three microts?" D'Argo gets a point for saying, "No." Crichton draws his gun and says, "But D'Argo, I need you understand that crackers don't matter." We have a title! Crichton fires and blasts one of the cracker-piles into crumbs. He giggles crazily for a while and tells them, "Today's assignment is...anyone? Anyone?" He walks over to the door, spins it closed, and gets his Don Pardo on by calling, "A brand-new car!" On the other side of the door, he's written, "T'raltixx." Crichton explains that ever since T'raltixx came aboard, they've been fighting. More than usual, that is. He mentions seeing Scorpius, and yammers and yammers and finally gets to the point, which is that they aren't being affected by the pulsars. Rygel starts to argue, and gets some crackers exploded all over him for his trouble. Crichton says, "We are past the pulsars. So how come we're acting even crazier? Zhaan?" Zhaan gets up from a seat in the back, and grumbles that she's busy. Crichton says, "Yes, yes, private moment #344. Tell them!" Eventually, Zhaan admits that she was more affected when she was near T'raltixx. She dreamily remembers, "He made me feel..." Crichton tells her to go for #345, and asks the others to help him. It's Aeryn's turn to refuse. Crichton makes a "beep-beep-beep" nose as he tracks his gun toward her and then explodes some more crackers onto her. This is kind of hellish to recap, y'know. You try describing that without making hand gestures.