Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 56 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT Don't Talk Too Loud
By Jacob Clifton | Season 5 | Episode 14 | Aired on 03.16.2014
A man's hand reaches out to hold an elevator door, over and over again. The moment when her life would change, and go on changing.
DOWNSTAIRS
It's time for a seminar on approaching litigation. Diane and Will sit in the back.
Diane: "Who was that man by the elevator you thought I didn't see? And don't bother lying, we don't lie to each other. We trust each other."
Will: "Fair enough. That was Nelson Dubeck, Office of Public Integrity. They're pursuing a case against the Governor."
Diane: "That stupid ballot box? Why just you, not me?"
Will: "There's quite a smoking gun, a surveillance tape. Which I brought to Peter's door."
Diane: "Jesus, Will."
The scheduled speaker can't make it, because of a hurricane somewhere, so instead Elsbeth Tascioni will be explaining her approach to litigation. Which is... Yeah.
"I want everybody to close their eyes and picture a pillow -- a big pillow, the size of this room -- and you're lying in the middle of it. Now, take off your shoes..."
Diane catches Will adoring Elsbeth, out of the corner of her eye, and is just like, "Will Gardner. Stop that right now. We are not fucking hiring that Manic Pixie Dream Girl. I like her too, but I cannot stand her ways and I won't have her at the firm. I already gave you Damien Doyle, who is a different kind of cartoon character that I actually understand, but this fairy queen thing I will not do. I won't have it." And Will just like, giggles, and starts taking off his shoes.
KEYNOTE
Hotelier: "So have you ever seen a speech? It'll be like that. Is there anything you need?"
Alicia: "...A speech?"
Hotelier: "Lady I don't have time for humor. I mean like bottled water."
Cary: "Alicia! No pressure but you have to nail this speech."
Alicia: "I know, right?"
Cary: "No, I mean because Clarke's on the phone saying that this speech is actually an interview. Rayna Hecht is going to be here watching and judging you, because of women."
Alicia: "The last time a quote-unquote feminist paid this much attention to my shit, it was Maddie Hayward. That did not go well."
Cary: "I'm sure this'll go fine. Just be completely perfect and composed, sympathetic but with no weaknesses or vulnerabilities but also be soft and vulnerable, and don't talk too loud, and don't talk too soft. Keep your back straight but also be wearing heels. Don't pay attention to the people in the audience, but anticipate their needs anyway. Make them love you, but also fear you. Make them think you are stronger or wiser than them, or have something they want, but also they cannot think you are better than them. Make them want to fuck you, but not hate you for wanting to fuck you. Be solicitous without being obsequious. Be confident but not arrogant. Be loud but soft. Be soft but hard. Be fifty but also twenty. Can you do that?"
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