Episode Report Card Omar G: C+ | 1 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT Goodbye Jocko
By Omar G | Season 2 | Episode 11 | Aired on 01.13.2003
Lana's room at Chloe's house. There's a picture of Lana and Nell on the dresser. Shapeshifta' Girl, in her own form, takes a piece of pink lingerie out of the top dresser drawer and smells it. It smells...pink. She looks in the mirror and smiles. The door opens behind her and when Lana enters, drying her hair with a towel, it's Shapeshifta' Chloe standing there. Shapeshifta' Chloe stammers and says she hopes Lana doesn't mind, but she's sock-deprived. She's holding some nasty pink socks. She says her clothes are stuck on spin. Lana tells her to go ahead. Lana, wrapped in a blue towel, says she has to go to The Talon. Shapeshifta' Chloe says she ran into Jocko and he told her what happened. Lana asks how he's doing. Chloe, looking shifty, walks toward her and says Jocko is sad, but he knows she'll be happy with Clark. Lana -- who has way too much makeup on to have just gotten out of the shower -- says that this has nothing to do with Clark. "Come on, Lana. It's obvious you two belong together," Shapeshifta' Chloe says snarkily. Lana says that now Chloe's acting strange. Chloe sneers and scoffs and asks, "Why?" Lana says that, given Chloe's past history with Clark, she's surprised Chloe would want to play matchmaker. Chloe looks Lana up and down lustily. Oh yeah. It's the Gayest Look of the Episode. Now that Birds of Prey is gone, we really needed some more lesbian action on The WB. Chloe moves forward and says it's not easy, but that she doesn't want to stay in the way of what's meant to be. She touches Lana on the shoulder. Lana jumps. "Sorry," Shapeshifta' Chloe says, smiling. I am not opposed to this development.
Basement. Bo, waving a flashlight, heads down and yells back behind him, "He's down here!" Bo helps Clark up. He asks what happened. "The ship saved me," Clark says. Bo asks how that happened. Clark doesn't know, but he shows what it did to the necklace. Bo ineffectually shines the tiny flashlight on it. "My God," Clark says. "I have to save Lana." Again? Save her from lesbianism? Bo looks back at the ship, which is smoking in silence.
Talon. Lana is cleaning up dishes. She goes to the counter, and when she turns around, Clark (or rather Shapeshifta' Clark), is right there, in a brown jacket and blue shirt. Lana jumps. "Sorry, did I scare you?" Shapeshifta' Clark asks. Lana says no, she just wasn't expecting to see anyone this late. Again, when does the girl sleep or actually do any schoolwork? S.S. Clark stops her and says there's something he's been meaning to tell her. He says that when he saw Lana with Jocko, he realized that if he didn't act on his feelings, he might lose her forever. "Act on," "forever." Ain't high-school love grand? Lana disregards Shapeshifta's gravity and asks if somebody put something in the Smallville water today, because everyone's acting really strange. Tell me again why Shapeshifta' is so fixated on Lana? Shapeshifta' Clark says he's acting the way he should have acted when he first met her. "Lana, I love you," Shapeshifta' says, and kisses Lana. And not just any kiss. There's some tongue action, some lip-mashing, reverse angles. And please bear in mind, this is a lesbian kiss. Oh yeah. Lana finally puts up her hands and stops the kiss. It all looks a little fake and CGI and then I understand why: The Real Slim Clarky walks in just then with his lame red coat. Yep, only the real Clark would wear that out in public, lookin' all Members Only. Lana looks at Shapeshifta' Clark and to Real Clark to see that, yes, there are two of them. We go to commercials.