Episode Report Card Keckler: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Maximum Over(warp)drive
By Keckler | Season 2 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.08.2002
Quantum sits in his office, watching the bot arms put an ACE bandage on his ship. T'Pol enters with an update to the repair schedule. Quantum looks at the report and slumps a bit, saying, "They even fixed the squeak in the floor." T'Pol looks at the floor. "I was starting to wonder if we had a gremlin under the deck-plating," Quantum comments. T'Pol stares at him. "A mythical creature. British pilots used to blame them for problems they couldn't explain," Quantum explains. "Perhaps I should scan for one," T'Pol suggests. But he just told you the squeak was gone...oh, I see, she's referring to Quantum being a problem that can't be explained. Go ahead with that. Quantum tells her it won't be necessary, and asks if Trip is happy with the repairs. "He says they're exceeding Starfleet specifications," T'Pol tells him. Quantum looks bugged by this, but merely says, "That's good to hear -- anything else?" T'Pol asks to be permitted to make an observation. "Go ahead," Quantum tells her. "You seem troubled," T'Pol says. "Ah, it's just the weight of the world," Mathra sighs. Sure enough, Quantum's now standing at his Weight Of The World Window. Quantum pushes off from the WOTWW and says, "Guess I need to do a better job of repressing my emotions." You have emotions? I thought you just had furrows. Quantum tells T'Pol that he thinks they're getting an awful lot of help for just two hundred litres of plasma. "Not every culture is based on the acquisition of wealth," T'Pol sniffs. "The station's builders could simply have been interested in helping others." Quantum wonders what happened to the station's builders. "They could have at least left a message. 'Thanks for stopping by,'" Quantum complains. And you think they owe this to you…why? T'Pol suggests that they prefer to be anonymous donors of assistance. "Don't you find that a little suspicious?" Quantum asks, back at his WOTWW. T'Pol is silent. Quantum goes on, "I know you don't put a lot of faith in your feelings but I've learned to trust mine. Something doesn't smell right." Ahh -- too easy.
Speaking of smells, Trip's chowing down on more grub at the Extra Large Exo-Comp's recreational facility with Reed. Around the rec room, we see May-getting-fitted-for-a-long-black-box laughing with Hoshi, and a bunch of other random crew members hanging out. Reed's telling Trip about the exo-comp that fixed his leg and says, "Honestly, I started to feel a little sorry for the doctor -- there wasn't anything for him to do but stand there and watch this thing work." Because attending to your leg is a rare privilege that should be denied to no one? Okay, well, lis might agree with you. Trip can understand how the doctor must've felt -- actually, I don't think you can, since the doctor seemed thrilled by the exo-comp -- because he stood and watched a technobabble be replaced in fifteen minutes: "It would have taken my crew a week. With this kind of technology Starfleet could build ships that maintain themselves -- they wouldn't need Chief Engineers." Reed snickers. "Or Tactical Officers," Trip finishes. Insert the exhaustive examples about computers being unable to make creative decisions the human brain can, as witnessed and commented upon in many TOS and TNG episodes, right here. Also, it's always good to cite "Good Computers Gone Bad," HAL, and also Daystrom's fiasco. Reed comments that a ship without a Tactical Officer is pointless. "You'd think that a computer that can do all this," Trip says, gesturing around, "would have to be pretty big." Reed nods his agreement. Trip goes on that Enterprise's computer is the best in the fleet, and it's three decks high. Reed agrees again. "So, where is it?" Trip asks, his eyes bugging. Reed has no idea what Trip's getting at, but he is enjoying his Ploughman's Lunch. Trip shows Reed his scans of the Extra Large Exo-Comp, and points out all the areas they can readily identify. Reed thinks the only place the computer could be is in the ATM-diagnostic room, "but it's barely half the size of this one." "A machine capable of billions of calculations every nanosecond and it can fit inside the proverbial breadbox," Trip bugs. So? Mathra's a machine capable of all that, and he can fit inside the breadbox as well. In fact, I frequently find him in there, doing his billions of calculations every nanosecond. Trip tells Reed that he'd love to get a look at the computer. "You could always ask," Reed-Sid namby-pambys. "I tried," Trip tells him, and quotes the computer's response: "'Your inquiry was not recognized.'" Reed snorts and says, "Well, I guess that's that." He goes back to his mushy peas. Trip stops him: "Not necessarily. This cooling duct runs all the way to the center of the station -- I saw an access port in one of the corridors." "This computer might not take kindly to people snooping around," Reed-Sid prisses. "I haven't seen any 'No Trespassing' signs," Trip Sawyer says. That's the motto of their crew, innit? Trip reminds Reed that they are explorers, and asks where his spirit of adventure is. "I left it in a Romulan minefield," Reed reminds him. Finally, Reed agrees to get his raft and meet Trip down by the river, but warns him that if the Widder Douglas lashes him for it, he'll larn Trip with his own hick'ry stick.