Episode Report Card Pamie: B | 100 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Big Anal Creep
By Pamie | Season 5 | Episode 14 | Aired on 2005.02.15
Lorelai walks down the street, noticing a new collection of bows on shop doors, pink and blue. Gypsy informs Lorelai that she's on her side of the breakup. Lorelai says she and Luke didn't breakup. Gypsy doesn't want to get into semantics; she just wants to tell Lorelai that she's proudly wearing her pink ribbon to support the sisterhood. Lorelai sees Luke clomp past in the background. She runs off to stalk her man. My next book: You're Acting Like a Douche: Stop It.
Doose's Market. Lorelai finds Taylor cutting up blue and pink ribbons. She tells him she'll deal with him later. She corners Luke in an aisle and beams that she has so much to tell him, as if she's got nothing but good news to share with him, like that she didn't really spend the night with Chris and a bottle of tequila, or that her parents don't actually hate him, or that Rory is actually Luke's child. Lorelai doesn't exactly apologize, but swears she didn't do anything wrong. When that doesn't work, she tries apologizing. She finishes her apology with the word "but," and then goes straight to blaming other people for their problems. Luke says he should have seen this coming. Stupid Lorelai mentions that even Rory saw this coming, and Rory doesn't know a single thing about having a relationship. Lorelai makes this wild, stupid promise never to see Christopher ever again. Luke immediately points out the stupidity of that statement, since Rory isn't dead. Lorelai acts like she can just push Rory away, get rid of her, and have it just be LukeLukeLuke all the time. It's a weird, non-Lorelai, desperate move, and what's with all the kowtowing by women this episode? Lorelai begs him, begs him, begs him and blames Emily and blames Christopher and swears she'll never talk to Emily again. Luke explains that this is also an impossibility. Lorelai says her parents are gone. That's it. Luke says he doesn't want to have this out right now, and that he needs more time. Lorelai tells Luke that she wants her middle, and she doesn't want to waste time with the stupid being-mad-at-her- for-having-everyone- in-her-life- hate-him- and-she-doesn't- stick-up-for-him- with-them stuff. Lorelai even throws some blame to the town, saying they're dividing them up. Luke, and I, give Lorelai a quiet "Don't." Lorelai smiles, thinking she's figured out the perfect words to get him back. They're his: "Luke. I'm all in. I'm all in." Then: "Let me show you what a great girlfriend I can be! But I can't wait. We can't wait. I need to know what you're thinking right now." Luke speaks for all of us when he says he can't be in this relationship right now. "It's too much." And also, if this long into the relationship people are still saying "I'm all in" instead of "I love you" there's a freaking problem. He's Just Not That Into You: And You Aren't Too Terribly Hot About Him But You Live In an Incredibly Small Town and It's This Guy Or Kirk Or Suicide. Lorelai whispers, "No," to absolutely nobody here, which is a little too dramatic, don't you think? ("No!")