Episode Report Card Gustave: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT I love a man in uniform
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 7 | Aired on 07.14.2001
Rectangle Head calls David from the phone in Brenda’s kitchen and tells him that he can’t pick up another body. He’s been too busy lately, and he only got four hours of sleep last night. "Plus," says RH, "I’m tired of getting the shitty jobs that you don’t want." They cut to David, or, rather, the draining corpse on David’s table, back at the Formaldehyde Fortress. So much for "shitty jobs," huh? David explains that Nate has to collect the bodies instead of prepare the corpses, because he’s not a licensed funeral director yet. Rectangle exposits that he’s taking the test in a week, and asks David how he’s going to study on only four hours of sleep a night. "Coffee and diet pills worked for me," deadpans David. Hee! David goes on to explain that he can’t pick the new body up himself because he’s got a deacon’s meeting. Oh, are we still working that plotline? Thrillsville. Nate complains that the last time he picked up a body from a nursing home, the roommate didn’t even know about the death. He had to tell her. Brenda overhears this and laughs while she makes breakfast. "Just be glad we have the business," says David. They hang up, and Brenda puts some food item into Rectangle's mouth. God forbid they should do anything together that isn’t foreplay…like the act of eating. They kiss, but Brenda pulls away. Not public enough for you, Brenda? Rectangle Head realizes that he smells like a corpse, and apologizes. Brenda points out that he doesn’t smell so bad, but his life "stinks." She orders him to take a vacation. Oh, and then they have this conversation where he refers to her as his girlfriend. They both pause at that weird word, and Nate corrects himself and proclaims her to be his "mistress." "Well, then, you better be buying me a lot more shit, Mistah," says Brenda all gangster-mollish. "I love you," says Nate, swooping in for a grope. They both freak at the implications of that statement. They both have intimacy issues. We get it. Nate changes the subject and tells Brenda he’ll tell David to fuck off and take a vacation with her at some spa where you sit around in hot mud. "If we leave Friday, we can be naked for two whole days," says Nate. Brenda agrees, even though she’ll have to cancel with some clients.
Breakfast at the Fisher household. Since David got up early to sew up a corpse, Claire "Sullen Girl" Fisher and Ruth "Morticia Ingalls" Fisher are alone in the kitchen. Sullen Girl sips coffee and reads Don Juan by Carlos Castenada. Okay, please be referring to Carlos Castanedain an ironic way and not as evidence of Claire’s emerging spirituality. I said please? Okay, clearly no one is listening to me. Morticia Ingalls looks over Claire’s shoulder. Claire points out that she’s hovering. Mommie Drearest shrinks back. She fidgets with something on the kitchen counter and tells Claire that someone is coming over for dinner tonight. Claire is all, "Okay." Morticia Ingalls clutches her coffee cup to her chest anxiously and tells Claire that she wants her to be nice to the guest. Hmm -- just a stab in the dark here, but could Morticia be nervous about the effect her guest could have on the family? I’m just guessing. Claire obviously shares a brain with me, because she puts her book down and asks if Ed Begley Jr. is the guest in question. Mommie Drearest snaps back an affirmation. Claire smirks into her coffee. And it would be really nice if they just ended the scene there, but they don’t. So Claire has to smirk into her coffee again, only this time it’s a much harder smirk in case the ironically challenged didn’t get it the first time. And then they end the scene.