Episode Report Card M. Giant: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Ex-Ex-President
By M. Giant | Season 5 | Episode 1 | Aired on 01.14.2006
In a swanky penthouse apartment in Downtown Los Angeles, the Brothers Palmer are together again for the first time. Former President David Palmer is apparently working on his memoirs, with the help of his little brother Wayne. I suppose it's reasonable that Wayne would be out of prison from his burglary rap three years ago, although I wonder if his parole officer knows what he's paying in rent. Wayne makes some comment about the chapter on Palmer's first campaign being a little long-winded (our Palmer? Nawww), but notices that Palmer isn't even paying attention. Instead, Palmer is looking at a copy of the Los Angeles Tribune, with a very weirdly-laid-out banner headline that reads "President Logan To Sign Russian Arms Treaty." Logan, you recall, was the worthless Vice President who was sworn in after President Keeler got shot down in Air Force One last season. And now, he's not only still President, but he's apparently established a stranglehold over the print media's graphic designers. Wayne tries to get Palmer to tell him what's got him so distracted. Palmer blows him off as nicely as possible, giving his little brother a pat on the side of the head so we can see the copper bracelet on the ex-prez's wrist. Wayne reluctantly lets it drop, and gets back to work, leaving Palmer to stare out the window. "There's going to be a lot of questions about your relationship with Sherry," Wayne understates, and then a single bullet punches through the window and into Palmer's throat. Now that's gonna leave a mark. Wayne's at Palmer's side before he hits the ground, and we see a sunglassed Jeff Kober across the way with a sniper rifle. Wayne screams for help amid the Secret Service agents who are suddenly dashing around the place like headless chickens.
The next subtitle places us at someplace called "Presidential Retreat, Hidden Valley, CA." Good place for a retreat, I'd say. Inside a fancy, wood-paneled but still very airy conference area, President Logan's Chief of Security, Walt Cummings is studying the contents of a folder. If you don't remember Walt, he was the guy I nicknamed "Bewigged Victor Garber" last season, the one who ordered Kiefer's death and started all this trouble in the first place. Logan breezes into the room, and gets assurances from Walt that his chair has been "adjusted." The once and present Presidential Chief of Staff, Mike Novick (formerly "Poor Man's Hume Cronyn"), wonders what that's about, and Walt explains that the six-foot-plus Russian president isn't going to be looking down on Logan in front of the cameras. Novick worries about the media finding out about the "adjustment," and there's a little discussion where we're reminded that Logan is concerned about his image and calls the upcoming treaty signing "the defining moment of my presidency." I'd say a more accurate reflection of the Logan presidency occurred in its earliest hours, specifically all those times he shit his pants. Logan's desk phone rings and Novick gets it, while Logan talks to Walt about how the First Lady is doing. Logan asks Walt to check on her personally: "She cannot have one of her meltdowns today. You're the only one she listens to." Well, that sounds like an outstanding marriage. Walt reluctantly agrees. Logan notices that Novick's off the phone, looking stricken. Novick delivers the news: "David Palmer's been assassinated." Logan and Walt are both shocked and horrified to hear it, and probably at least a little annoyed at the inconvenient timing. Novick says that CTU is on the line waiting to brief Logan, and he goes to the window and cries. Logan brushes Novick's shoulder as he passes behind them. Jeez, Logan, don't make it worse by getting all verklempt. I realize this is a tough moment for Novick, having lost an old friend and all, so I'll wait until later to ask why he's still working closely with a man who, for all he knows, had Kiefer killed. Wait, I've got it: it's because he's familiar to the viewers. Never mind.