Episode Report Card Couch Baron: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Pass The Pepto, Please
By Couch Baron | Season 1 | Episode 6 | Aired on 08.10.1997
Speaking of people I'd like to see suffer that fate, Hill tells us that after he had his accident, he went through withdrawal. From his cage, he looks down upon himself in a hospital bed. Hill #2 tells us that it was easy, because they gave him a host of painkillers. Hill #1 goes on that he began counseling when he came to Oz, and staying straight is his new addiction. You know, I thought two Hills would geometrically increase the amount I want to tell him to shut up, but they cancelled each other out instead. The Dual Narrator Reverse Polarity Gambit. Risky, but effective.
Hill, watching Oz TV, says that Jackson Vahue got twelve years for attempted rape, and Ryan adds that he's coming to Oz. Now, Rick Fox may be quite the basketball player, or he may well not be, as, to be perfectly frank, basketball bores the piss out of me. However, I am quite certain that I would rather watch Rick Fox play basketball than watch him act, so if I treat the character with more disdain than usual, you can rest assured that it's not personal. That is, if by "not personal" you mean "no worse than I would give any other professional NBA player who also can't act for shit." Later, when McManus comes down the stairs from his office, Hill is lying in wait, and asks if he can be Vahue's sponsor, since he's such a big fan, and is there any doubt that McManus will give him what he wants? The squeaky wheel gets the grease with McManus. The man takes care of his own, after all. The next day, Vahue sits in the waiting room, when a closeup triggers a flashback. A limo pulls up in front of a doormanned building. A slim, attractive woman, who just happens to be black, gets out, and Vahue quickly follows, grabs her, and slaps her to the ground. The doorman intervenes by trying to flying-tackle Vahue, but Vahue manages to get one more good clout in before two cops come along and, we assume, eventually subdue him. Well, Rick, it'll be an uphill battle to win the crowd back from here, but I'm sure a talented player like you can -- oh, wait. You're going to have to win the crowd back by acting. Well, we all have our lost causes, Rick. "Prisoner Number 97V588, Jackson Vahue." Attempted rape and assault, twelve years, parole in five. Vahue waits to go to Em City while all the new prisoners who aren't professional athletes get escorted to Gen Pop. A hack asks Vahue for his autograph, and Vahue gives it to him while still wearing handcuffs. Hee, even if they would normally have taken those off already. Hill leads Vahue into Em City, and Vahue gets a lot of friendly attention. Adebisi drops him a basketball with a leering grin. I'd be a little afraid of that smile, but I guess anyone he's not feeding ground glass in this episode should count his blessings.