Episode Report Card Potes: C- | 6 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT An Affair to Forget
By Potes | Season 5 | Episode 6 | Aired on 07.07.2013
We then get to hang out with Joe Gorga and Richie at the driving range. As will come as no surprise, Richie is completely inept. Joe, however, likes to imagine smashing Teresa's face with his golf club. He says, and I quote, "When I'm frustrated with my sister...usually I have sex with my wife. But if you have a set of balls, you could blow it off. It's better to get it out than hold it in." Wait, one correction: he actually says "FUStrated." And then as if that's not gross enough in myriad ways, we cut to the sausage making festivities, where Teresa is basically giving a hand job to the sausage as it comes out of the machine in its casing condom. They're making -- I think literally -- 800 pounds of sausage, because when you're off the boat you need to keep vaguely sexual meat-based traditions alive. Teresa tells her dad not to drop dead anytime soon, which would be more likely if he wasn't eating so much sausage. In other news, Teresa's hair looks flawless.
Back at the driving range, Joe gets a call from Teresa. She feels bad about how they left things at the gym, when they yelled at each other and she threw water at him. To amend things, she'd like him to go on the aforementioned spiritual holistic retreat with her. And then fucking Joe asks what a retreat is. Do they exist in the actual world, these people? Teresa explains that it involves a lot of trust falls, which is basically true. Joe is still confused, and Teresa says that they need to learn to trust again. Joe is going to run it by Melissa. When she finds out that it's in a castle upstate, I'm sure she'll be all for it so she can use the time to film her new video inspired by "It's All Coming Back to Me Now." There were nights when the wind was so cold that it froze all of our sausages! Joe explains the situation to Rich, and Rich wonders if they're all going to go to Nepal next. How about the Bermuda Triangle? Despite the fact that Joe wants to bash Teresa's head in with a golf club, he's willing to do it for the sake of his parents. He still doesn't understand about the trust falls, though.
Back at the Giudice house, Teresa explains to Juicy about her meeting with Rosie, which turned out well despite the displaced cartilage. She mentions the idea of the retreat, and Juicy is also puzzled. Maybe he and Joe Gorga can find some common ground in their lack of understanding of relatively simple concepts. Teresa explains that the retreat will involve meditation. And trust falls. She invites Juicy to fall back into her arms. He is rightly skeptical, and refuses to break his neck by falling backwards on the kitchen floor when he is not even drunk. Teresa is incensed that he doesn't trust her, and says that he definitely needs to go on this retreat. Can an asteroid fall on this retreat castle, perchance? Plague of locusts