Episode Report Card Montykins: A | 425 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT Don't Lose the Hostages
By Montykins | Season 2 | Episode 6 | Aired on 2012.05.06
Theon wants to lock Rodrik up in Winterfell's deepest, darkest cells. But Dagmer (first mate of the Sea Bitch and the only person from the Iron Islands who's even a little bit nice to Theon, which makes him a Trusted Advisor) tells Theon he can't do it. Everyone is watching. He has to make an example of Rodrik! Rodrik's on his knees and just kind of grimacing at Theon defiantly. Theon announces, in what he imagines to be a grand fashion, "Ser Rodrik! I sentence you to death!" Maester Luwin scurries up and urges him not to make a hasty decision. He claims that Rodrik is worth more alive as a hostage, since the Starks will pay for his return. That's a valid argument, but most of his reasoning is more like, "Please, Theon. Think what you're doing." Dagmer gives Theon a look and kind of shakes his head. Theon tells Luwin, "You'll address me as Prince Theon or you'll be next." See? When are people on this show going to realize that it's a good idea to just call people by whatever ridiculous title they've claimed for themselves? On a side note, I'd like to be referred to as "Archduke Montykins" from now on. Anyway! Rodrik is dragged to a bench that's a convenient height to bend him over and chop his head off. But first, he calls Theon a coward. Bran and Rickon lose their minds, screaming and crying and begging for Theon not to kill Rodrik. Theon ignores them. Rickon hides his head. To his credit, Theon does at least decide to do it himself. He takes out his sword and asks if Rodrik has any last words. He does: "Gods help you Theon Greyjoy. Now you are truly lost." CHOP!
Rodrik's head is still attached. CHOP! CHOP! CHOP! Kick! His head's finally off. That was pretty sloppy work. Do you think Ned Stark is the "Old Gods" of the title and Theon is the "New"? Because if that's what they were going for, that's bad news for everybody.
Oh, hey! It's a white dire wolf! Remember Ghost? He's the wolf that's occasionally near Jon Snow, when the show remembers he exists. In the books, I believe he's described as Snow's "constant companion," but a surprising number of plot points would change if there was really a giant killer wolf on hand. Like that time Snow got whopped over the head, which I really only keep bringing up because I liked the word "whopped." Ghost is happily roaming over a snowy mountaintop. Jon Snow, Qhorin Halfhand and three other rangers are also roaming over the mountains, but they're not as cheerful about it. Qhorin is of the opinion that Ghost is a wild creature who Snow can't train or predict. And he also shares some important exposition that the wildlings sleep during the day and move around at night. Snow points out that Qhorin just claims that wild things can't be predicted and Qhorin corrects him: he said that Snow can't do it.