Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Looking For Mr. Bitcoin
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 13 | Aired on 01.15.2012
Alicia: "This is about getting around your judgely order and that's it. You ruled that he didn't have to give over the identity, so now they're trying to Childs him into freaking out."
Balaban: "Here are many pieces of paper!"
Alicia: "Yeah, which Jason Biggs would have signed because he's their lawyer?"
Balaban: "More pieces of paper!"
Alicia: "Yeah, because if you're being anonymous you would have your lawyer pay for subcontractors?"
Balaban: "Infinite pieces of paper!"
Judge Dunaway: "I'm swamped. Look at all this paper!"
Suddenly the judge's mind is blown by the paper and by Balaban bringing up Occam's Razor, which is like the most risibly obvious thing, like if somebody on Jersey Shore mentioned Occam's Razor maybe you would think, "That's kinda hifalutin," but that's like the only circumstance. Anyway, Jason Biggs gets out on bail from his arrest a second ago, and Alicia thinks about spitting in Bob Balaban's face, but it is too beautiful.
L/G
The name partners and Alicia toss around the old football, now that Balaban has won his day in court, and finally Will suggests they just prove that Bitcoin isn't a currency, but a commodity, much like -- it is said -- a bushel of fruit. Oh man, have you seen those shitty manipulative collector-coin ads on MSNBC lately? They always come on during Suze Orman and they've gotten so fucking crazy.
"If you don't buy these gold buffalo coins we made up, with the Twin Towers and Kenny Chesney on it, and like a bald eagle giving birth to the Iowa primary, you will only have yourself to blame. Because in a minute, you are going to be put in a home and your children are definitely going to die in a nuclear blast. Don't spend your life wracked with regret -- the postapocalypse is going to be hard enough."
Jason Biggs, one hundred times: "I can't tell you anything about my client without violating attorney-client privilege."
Alicia: "No, she was asking if you wanted coffee."
Jason Biggs: "I can't answer that."
Alicia: "Do you know what time it is?"
Jason Biggs: "Sorry. Privilege."
However, Mr. Bitcoin wrote a manifesto when Bitcoin came out. You know, like how normal people are always writing manifestoes. Like how stable individuals are always doing that.
Kalinda: "I can use made-up linguistic technology to figure that out, it's all very complicated. Basically I will googlewhack every phrase in the manifesto and then start hurling accusations at random folks."
Alicia: "If I weren't pretending you don't exist, I would so get weird about that word and how everything's so technological these days."