Episode Report Card Demian: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT A witch in time...
By Demian | Season 5 | Episode 8 | Aired on 11.09.2002
Yeah, right.
Phoebe dimly bubbles in from the dining room, dragging Gonzo along behind her, and starts in with the babytalk as she bids the occupants of the sun porch a good morning. Piper fires off a few snippy remarks as the Feebs shoves a bagel for the road into Gonzo's hand while reminding him of their lunch date that afternoon. Phoebe pointedly confirms that they'll meet at Gonzo's office before heading to the "bistro," then launches into a series of loud, smacking kisses with him, much to the discomfort and irritation of those seated at the table. The Chinless Wonder tosses off a casual, "Nice meeting you," and disappears to commence his Walk Of Shame. He's barely out of earshot before Phoebe blares the news of her delightfully deadly premonition from the previous evening. Raige cocks a brow upon learning Gonzo bit it in a police shootout and asks, "Don't you normally have premonitions about the evil nasty people?" "Usually," Phoebe confirms, "but not always." True, but I don't recall it happening after the first season. The Dolt opines that Phoebe's power progression allows her to detect "natural" as well as supernatural threats. Phoebe begs one of her sisters to accompany her to the lunch date to provide assistance, if necessary. Piper narrows her eyes and mumbles that, given the nature of the premonition, the Glamorous Ladies "maybe aren't supposed to protect" Gonzo. Phoebe snots that Piper's reaction is "a little insensitive," and she's the gal who should know from insensitive, yes? Piper fires back with the following non sequitur, which she reads aloud from the newspaper in her hand: "A rebound romance burns fast and hot, like a shooting star. It leaves the rebounder blind to the flameout ahead." "Who wrote that psychobabble?" Phoebe grunts. "That would be from the 'Ask Phoebe' column," Raige smirks. "To 'Rebounding In Rockport.'" We catch a glimpse of Phoebe's column in the newspaper, and not only is the correspondent's photograph next to her byline hideous, but from what I can read of the column itself, it appears to be a collection of random, two-sentence opinions on entirely unrelated topics with no letters from readers at all. I don't know where to begin, but I'll try here: Phoebe sees the guy she's banging mown down during an arrest gone wrong, and Piper's telling her that's what Phoebe gets for investing too much time in a rebound romance? The hell? Like I said, I hate Ken Marino as much as the next guy, but Piper. Really. Try to dredge up a more artful justification for your opposition to the relationship. Please? Oh, and "Rockport"? As in Maine? Pull the other one. Idiots.
Phoebe faces all of this smugness with a sigh and stammers, "[The Chinless Wonder] makes me feel..." She trails off for a moment, during which I fill the dead airtime with my very best Sylvester impersonation. "He just makes me feel," she eventually continues, though I'm adding emphasis absent from Alyssa Milano's line reading, "and it's really beautiful, so could you please just be happy for me?" Raige offers to cancel her nooner with Slampiece Max, but the Dolt suggests the situation might be better served by Piper's freezing power. Piper icily observes her useless oaf of a husband.