Episode Report Card Sara M: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Lies, Lies, Lies, Yeah!
By Sara M | Season 8 | Episode 23 | Aired on 05.16.2004
Guess what? Annie and RevCam are on a plane bound for New York. I wonder what happened to the twins, who went to get Happy, and then came back to find that their parents were gone. Maybe that's the big cliffhanger. Annie feels a little bad for leaving before Simon got home, but RevCam says they'll see him in a couple days, so it's no big deal. Except it's totally a big deal, since Simon is coming home for the first significant amount of time since he left Glenoak after running over a child and getting all traumatized. Or maybe we're supposed to forget about that, like everyone else did. Annie asks RevCam to "promise" her that both Mary and her baby will be okay. Then she nags at him to ask God to look out for Mary and the baby, like, do it yourself, Annie. Oh, and get this: she wants RevCam to ask God to "slow things down" so that they'll get to New York before Mary gives birth. Which means that she wants to prolong poor Mary's labor, which has already been going on for about fifteen hours now. My God, but Annie is the most selfish person who ever lived. RevCam says he just asked God to make Mary not too angry with them for totally disrespecting her wishes. I hope she throws them out of the hospital and they get run over by a taxi and then mugged.
Asslee walks in to the living room to talk to Martin. She tells him that Pam forgave Mac for his "momentary slip of ethics," which, I'm sorry, was really kind of a bigger deal than that. Which doesn't mean I like him any less, but if Pam had any sense, she would have dumped his ass. Martin asks Asslee if she forgives him. Asslee says no; she can't forgive Martin, because he didn't do anything wrong. Martin's all, "I love you," like, how pathetic. Asslee says she was so upset at Martin because that was easier for her than to face some "hard truths" about their relationship. And how Asslee doesn't want to be in it for a while. Actually, that's a lie, Asslee says, getting Martin's hopes up. She doesn't want to be with him at all, ever. Martin looks crushed, but says he expected this when he heard that Asslee was talking to Simon. Asslee asks him how he knew that, then remembers that she "told Pam." Except I remember it being more like Asslee answering a call from Simon right in front of Pam. Asslee says she isn't breaking up with Martin because of Simon, even though he's coming back to Glenoak within the hour. Martin asks Asslee to tell him why she's dumping him, then. Asslee says it's because he loves her and she…doesn't love him. Martin looks very sad. Asslee continues that she thought she loved him, but she really doesn't, which became clear to her when all the sex talk started. Martin can't believe this: he didn't even want to have sex with Asslee in the first place, because he's planning on waiting until marriage like a good little Christian. Asslee says she's going away to college next year, and a long-distance relationship "isn't fair" to either of them. By which she means "to Asslee." Martin asks Asslee if she's thinking about going to Simon's school, which would be very silly, since Simon goes to an art school and Asslee has never expressed any interest in art. Then again, neither did Simon. Asslee hasn't decided where she's going to school yet, which means that she probably is going to Simon's school, since that's the only college in the world that accepts new students this late in the year. "Sorry," Asslee says, then rolls her eyes and leaves. Martin just sits there and looks like he wants to cry. Poor Martin. Fuck you, Asslee. I almost hope your singing career does take off so you can leave this show.