Episode Report Card Lady Lola: B- | 64 USERS: C YOU GRADE IT The Tri-Funk-Ta, or Meatball Walking
By Lady Lola | Season 5 | Episode 6 | Aired on 2012.02.09
Back at Aztec, Nikki informs Vinny she's a girl-on-girl kind of girl. Instead of shutting him down and sending him into the arms of Deanna (who's still dancing with Deena), this only piques Vinny's interest. With his soft features, he thinks he would be a great transition for a lesbian back to straight society. I'm going to go ahead and call bullshit on Nikki's lesbianism. Either way, whether she likes girls or boys, it's clear she loves the camera because she goes home with the gang and lets Vinny drape his arms all over her along the way. All the while, poor desperate Deanna trails behind with Deena, little droplets of dignity and self-respect trailing behind her. Congratulations, Deanna, you just became Plan B! Even Deena says of Deanna, "She has no idea what the hell she's getting herself into." As everyone heads inside, Nikki says it's the end of the line, and there's old Plan B waiting in the wings.
The next morning, JWOWW calls Roger. He finally answers and barely gets out a hello before she snaps, "Where the hell have you been?!" He laughs at her stank attitude before saying his phone got messed up, and he had to take the day off to address it (even though he has a work phone). JWOWW is pissed because Roger never takes the day off for her (you'll remember that his plan to come to Italy last season fell through because he couldn't get time off work). Seriously though, isn't he a professional body builder or trainer or something? It's not like he's a baby doctor or the president. Surely he has a fairly flexible schedule, no? But I digress... She hangs up and goes to bitch to Snooki, interviewing, "I feel like I know where I stand, and he can go fuck himself." That's love, folks.
Snooki finally drags herself out of her bed to first confess that she's needs a therapist and AA meeting, then to precariously plop herself into the roof deck hammock for an extension nap-slash-kibbutz with the seagulls. The confession continues, "Daytime altogether is, like, so fucking annoying. Like, go away! In Arkansas, it's always dark out. So you just... everything's dark. Always." (Step one, she's thinking of Alaska. Step two, it's actually the opposite. Another victory for American schooling!) Snooki tries to get out of the hammock and... splat. As the guys say goodbye to their tricks (Deanna was only average, says Vinny), Snooki lies on the hammock base for some time more, contemplating whether to poop or throw up. She gets up just long enough to sweep the bed (wha?) in the Communal Smush Room, note a gross stain on the mattress, and then lie down and wrap herself around a broom for another cat nap.