Episode Report Card Demian: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT And The Band Played On
By Demian | Season 7 | Episode 15 | Aired on 02.19.2005
Phoebe snaps shut her cell just as she reaches the front door, and Raige, who'd trailed along behind her from the kitchen, guhs, "Jeez, woman, you're a machine!" "Every moment counts!" Phoebe chirps before -- get this -- ordering Raige to have the Manor cleaned up by two. Raige does not employ her orbing telekinesis to brain her loathsome, repugnant, self-centered hag of a half-sister with one of the parlor's handy andirons. Rather, Muggy McGowan squints her eyes, wrinkles her nose, and drags her collagen-enhanced lips out to either side of her face while rolling her shoulders around and gesticulating antically with her arms and such as Phoebe spins to open the door. The woman is having a goddamned seizure right there in the hall. Not that I particularly care, mind you, for we finally -- at long, long last -- get this evening's A plot moving with the arrival of Detective Doormat, who's there with news of a possible demonic possession. Distraught Charlie, whom the Doormat notes was his "mentor" and "the one that brought [the Doormat] into the force," has evidently been pitched into the mental ward. The Doormat, however, claims to have worked with the Glamorous Ladies long enough to know when something Hellish is involved, and refuses to believe his friend's lost his freaking mind. "Mike," upon retiring from the department, took a security job "at a jewelry store on Market," and just lately has begun experiencing "episodes" to the point where "he just snapped" yesterday, waving his gun around and raving about "some terrible fire at Cabaret Fantôme." The Doormat, who's been such a tiresome pill for such a long time, rather gratifyingly begs the gals to help him figure out what's really going on, so Phoebe shifts around the various items on her day's agenda to allow for a bit of research in the paper's archives. Raige, meanwhile, is to head off to the loony bin with the Doormat to interview Mike, and they'll all meet back at the Manor at -- as Phoebe would have it -- "1:10." As Phoebe vanishes off the front porch, the Doormat wiggles an eyebrow in Raige's direction. Muggy McGowan twitches her shoulders uncontrollably while twisting her face into a series of garish grimaces and shaking her head vehemently back and forth. Dude. It's Tourette's, isn't it? Three and half years on this show, and she's ended up with Tourette's. Again, though, I can't feel too sorry for her, especially because it only took me eight episodes. Fart! Dildo! Buh-buh-buh-big! Big titties! Shit! SHIT WHORES!
What's this? "Bay General Hospital"? What happened to The Only Hospital In San Francisco? Is it closed for repairs? Whatever. Like I care. After we linger on the establishing shot of this never-before-seen medical institution, the camera jumps to a room indoors, where an orderly's strapping an agitated Mike into restraints. "I don't have much time!" Mike howls as Raige and Detective Doormat gaze at him from the hall. "It doesn't seem demonic," Raige breathes softly. "He just mostly seems afraid and panicky." "Here goes," she sighs, striding over to the bed. The moment she reaches his side, Mike jerks violently in his restraints and gasps, "Marie?" "No, I'm [Raige]," she gently corrects before asking, "Who's Marie?" "My fiancée," Mike snaps. During the feverish exchange that follows, we learn that Mike believes he's someone named "George," and that these George and Marie people are "trapped" along with everybody else at the club. When the Doormat attempts to address his friend, Mike howls, "We're all gonna die! Don't you understand that?" "If that's not a possession, what is it?" the Doormat demands. Raige, clueless, nonetheless shoots a compassionate look at the old man bound to the gurney before darting out of the frame.