Episode Report Card Keckler: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Hoshi Crack Code and I Sorta Care
By Keckler | Season 3 | Episode 23 | Aired on 05.18.2004
There's an establishing exterior shot of Mega Maid to show us that we're inside of it in the next scene. It's all complicated and cool -- much fancier than a Borg cube. Although the lighted catwalks scream Return of the Jedi. A slumpy Hoshi sits in front of a console and plods stuff into it. She's got a massive insect bite on her temple. It looks itchy. A snakeling reports that Hoshi has only penetrated the first level of encryption. "Do you understand what we want you to do?" Dolum asks. With heavy lids and heavy speech, Hoshi repeats her duty. Dolum tells her to speed it up. "I'm trying," Hoshi slurs. "Are you?" Dolum wonders, and hauls her out of the chair. He shakes her and looks into her eyes. He must see something we don't because he hisses and throws her aside, saying she's more resistant than they figured. I guess she didn't look drugged out enough? But how would the Snake Eyes even know the precise reactions a human would have to the Bug Bite? Yes, they can hypothesize based on their knowledge of Mr. Men, but it's not going to be exact in the least. What was it Quantum said about Snake Eyes having brains the size of walnuts? Oh, my god, I can't believe I just QUOTED QUANTUM! I need to go kill myself now. Dolum wants her prepared for another procedure. I hope they're at least swabbing her skin with a cotton ball dipped in alcohol before they puncture her, because you just don't want to mess around with infections. Hoshi makes a break for it, but doesn't get very far. A snakeling grabs her just as she's about to throw herself over the side of the catwalk. Nice touch. "You'd sacrifice yourself to stop us?" Dolum says, for those of us who don't know what would happen if a person jumped into a very deep pit. Dolum adds that she won't have to live with her guilt for long. She's hauled back to the treatment room as a snakeling discovers that Hoshi's added a new layer of encryption, so now they can't reach the arming matrix. Awesome! Go, Hoshi! It's your brain cells! Go! Go! Go! "You were ordered to watcher her!" Dolum grrisses. I have to say, I'm really impressed by how many planets order their parasitic brainmunchers in from Ceti Alpha V. They must be doing well. I'm happy for them because they started out as small artisanal producers, yet even with all this success, they are still keeping it real. Keeping it organic. And always keeping it semi-psychotic.
Enterprise. In Stella Cartography, Trip and T'Pol discuss technobabble options to screw with the spheres. T'Pol finally gets pissed that Trip has rejected all her suggestions. "When you come up with one that doesn't involve blowing ourselves up, I'll be a little more enthusiastic," Trip retorts. I won't. T'Pol rolls her eyes and says she doesn't hear him coming up with anything. Trip tells T'Pol he's had enough of her moods lately, and storms out to work alone in Engineering. T'Pol says, "Commander," flatly. He doesn't stop. "TRIP!" she says loudly. Dude, she called him by his name. Because she looooooves him! T'Pol apologizes for her behavior and says she's just been getting stressed out over everything that's happened. You forgot to add that you're a CRACK WHORE, honey. "Forget about it," Trip tells her kindly. T'Pol says she wishes she could, but she can't seem to regain control on her own. So, she wants to have sex in order to control her emotions? That's a new one. "This hasn't been easy fer enny of us," Trip says, and then looks down the hallway before stepping back into Stella Cartography. Was he making sure no one heard their little lovers' CRACK SPAT? Trip says, "You know how much I appreciate what you did fer me." Why does he KEEP going ON about what she did for him? All she did was put a hand on his shoulder -- it wasn't exactly a trust retreat up on Mt. Touchy-Feely! Ew. I so didn't mean that. If you don't get it, be happy you don't live in my brain. Trip continues, "When this is all over, if you want to talk, I'm all ears." And penis. T'Pol makes a face that seems to signal she'd like that. Trip smiles and suggests they get back to work.