Episode Report Card Potes: B | 1 USERS: B+ YOU GRADE IT Downton Shabby
By Potes | Season 18 | Episode 1 | Aired on 02.29.2012
With that, it's time for the much-hyped Fierce Parade. The marching band is in attendance, along with some shirtless dudes. The Americans continue their loud strategy by screaming at fans from their float. They apparently get a good response from the crowd. By contrast, Sophie is standing at the head of the British float whimpering, "Tea and scones." No one knows what the eff she's talking about. I'm sure a British crowd would have gone wild at that, though. "Crumpets! Oliver Twist!" (screaming throngs go mad). The Jays and Nigel take the stage, and introduce Michael Buffer, voice of champions. Are we supposed to know who that is? Probably. Whoever Mr. Buffer is, I'm sure he doesn't deserve this fate. The Buffster introduces the British models, then the Americans. The Americans, who have home court advantage, have some built-in momentum here.
Then it's time for catwalk face-offs. The first pits crimp-headed American Laura against British Annelise. They try to read each other, quite unsuccessfully. These bitches need to watch Drag Race and study. Laura proves that she's trisexual as she attempts to engage the catwalk as a scissor sister. Next we have British Catherine versus Mariah. Nothing interesting happens there. Then there's American AzMarie versus 24-year old Londoner Jasmia, whom we have not yet met. Our patience is rewarded, however, as she tells us that she's a dating coach back in the U.K. Perhaps she can help Laura. Jasmia kind of clocks AzMarie with her jacket at the end of the catwalk, and gets some stinkeye in return. The violent rivalry has begun! Who KNOWS what madness might ensue next! We get a commercial break to cool down, thank God.
When we return, the fireworks continue with Scottish Ashley versus Candace. Ashley says, "Brrrrang it ouuuuuun, betches!" which garners a, "Bring it on, trick!" in response. Apparently, "trick" means prostitute, and Ashley is offended since she has two kids at home. She says, "How rude," just like a Scottish Stephanie Tanner. Candace is 22 and from Brooklyn, and has tried out for ANTM eight times. That's as impressive as it is depressing. Next we have British Alisha versus American Eboni. Alisha is 20 and from South London, and explains to us that English people have ghettos too, and she's from one. She got into modeling because it was a way out, and tells us that it's been her lifeline. Next we have Sophie versus Kyle. Kyle says she's going to take Sophie down, or more specifically, "Downtown to Dallas, Texas." That sounds both particularly non-threatening and non-erotic. They bump each other's butts at the end of the catwalk, which is exactly what happened at the Boston Tea Party. The two plus-sized girls, Louise and Seymone, are next. They attempt to read each other, and Louise's admonishment for Seymone to "wind her neck in" goes unappreciated. Louise is 25 and from Essex. She tells us that she gets more work as a plus-sized model than she ever did being skinny. Louise also thinks that Seymone doesn't yet know how to work her curves. Once the runway face-offs have ended, the U.S. and U.K. camps talk backstage amongst themselves. Or, rather, the U.S. girls scream and shout as the U.K. girls mock them for it. Annaliese tells us that the Brits plan to pick off the Americans one by one, and then have some real competition with each other.